The many faces of John Plumtree

John Plumtree on a ‘good day’

Sharks head honcho John Plumtree looks harmless enough. He looks like the kind of guy you’d be happy to let your wife have a golf lesson with. The kind of guy you’d feel comfortable buying home insurance from. The kind of guy who just happens to have a surname that sounds like a new brand of air-freshener.

However, as we all know you can’t always judge a book by its cover (with the exception of ‘Lawrence Dallaglio – An Illustrated History’ which frankly WAS as shit as it looked!) and sources within the Shark-tank ‘circle of trust’ have recently revealed another, darker, General Kurtz-like side to the man.

Here’s part of a ‘conversation’ that was recently leaked to the Big Daddy team. It allegedly took place while the team was out celebrating their ‘game of two-halves’ victory over the Cheetahs, and immediately followed an amusing anecdote shared with the players:

Willem Alberts: You’re really funny. You’re really funny!

Plumtree: What do you mean I’m funny?

Willem Alberts: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy!

Plumtree: [dangerously] What do you mean? You mean the way I talk? What?

[Everyone becomes quiet]

Willem Alberts: It’s just, you know, you’re just funny. It’s funny, the way you tell the story and everything.

Plumtree: Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?

Jannie Du Plessis: Plumtree, no, you got it all wrong —

Plumtree: Oh, no, Du Plessis. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. [to Willem Alberts] What did ya say? Funny how?

Willem Alberts: Just —

Plumtree: What?

Willem Alberts: Just, ya know, you’re funny.

Plumtree: You mean, let me understand this, ’cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

Willem Alberts: Just… you know, how you tell the story, y’know — what?

Plumtree: No, no, I don’t know. You said it! How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me?! Tell me, tell me what’s funny!

[Long pause]

Willem Alberts: Get the fuck out of here, Plumtree!

[Everyone laughs]

Plumtree: Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him! You stuttering prick, you! Lambie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Alberts.

John Plumtree on a ‘bad day’