Sonny Bill Williams loses his status as sex symbol

The 1980s called – they want their oversized dark glasses back.

All the talk this week has been about Sonny Bill Williams.  Not just the will or her won’t he have a future representing the All Blacks again, but rather his poor fashion choices.  While other blogs have been happy to report the IRB qualification criteria for representing your nation at a World Cup, we feel more qualified to point out that his oversized tints, lack of manly facial hair and clashing color coordination (plaid with green?) have cost him his place at the top of everyone’s sports’ sex symbol list.

He has had a busy time of it recently.  In between representing New Zealand at both Rugby Union and League, launching his boxing career and working on his tattoos, we hear that Sonny Bill has also had some moderate entertainment industry crossover success.  2013 saw him play a small role in the latest Woody Allen comedy as a struggling novelist in turn of the century Paris.  He also had songwriting credits on Miley Cyrus’ latest album release Bangerz.  Perhaps all his entertainment focus has taken his eye off the real prize – keeping a level head when it comes to making responsible fashion choices.

We hear that Ben Tameifuna (prop for the Chiefs) has taken over the running for the Southern Hemisphere’s “sex on legs” title.

Quade Cooper sidelined with ‘broken heart’

The outspoken Aussie fly-half is in the dog house once again with the Australian Rugby Union.

This time it’s for a series of stroppy teenager-like tweets voicing his disapproval of the Wallaby management, with his accusations ranging from the existential to the just plain ludicrous.

In one he claims that he is being ‘destroyed’ as a player and a person. In another he says he is not being allowed to play the type of rugby HE wants to play….Butt-naked rugby? Underwater rugby? Quality rugby?!….who knows!

Another tweet just gets downright weird with what appears to be a reference to the classic Alice Cooper track Poison:

I want to love you but I better not touch (#don’t touch?)
I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (#too much?)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

We can only assume these angst-ridden words are directed at his off-the-field bromance with Sonny-Bill Williams, with whom he has threatened to elope to rugby league  at the end of the season unless he is provided with the following:

  • his own changing-room with wall-to-wall mirrors
  • personalised number plates reading ‘QC69 4EVA’
  • a pet anaconda

Quade and Sonny-Bill in better times…Sonny never quite got the basic principles of rock,scissors, paper.

It’s in the centre, Mr Venter…

There’s some mouth-watering international rugby on the cards this weekend with 3 big North vs South clashes…and if I’m gonna take this Civil War analogy to the next level (which I am) I reckon the exciting match-ups are going to be in the rear guard cavalry department – in other words in the centre Mr Venter (to nick the catch-phrase from an old SA tv ad from yesteryear)!

Here are the head-to-heads I’m looking forward to the most:

Game: Ireland v NZ

Match-up: Brian O’Driscoll v Sonny-Bill Williams

Who’s gonna come up trumps?

The old war-horse back to captain the side from his R&R in the stables versus the young ‘everbody likes to say his name’ filly who’s normally used as an impact player. It’s a tough one to call but I’m gonna go with experience over physical perfection on this one – as I reckon the old dog still has a few tricks up his sleeve!

Brian O'Driscoll

“Worried…who’s worried?!”

Game: Wales v Australia

Match-up: Sam Warburton v David Pocock

Who’s gonna come up trumps?

Who doesn’t like a good old battle of the generals (remember Robert E. Lee vs Ulysses S. Grant?!), especially between two teams with the recent history that these two have. I’m gonna go with Pocock on this, somewhat based on form but mostly because I don’t want to seem biased towards the Northern Hemisphere.

The Wallaby captain takes his defence seriously…maybe a bit too seriously.

Game: South Africa v England

Match-up: Jean De Villiers v Manu Tuilagi

Who’s gonna come up trumps?

The Springbok captain will want to do the new coach proud, so he’ll be adding a few extra highlights to his hair and more importantly he’ll be all over Tuilagi like stink on sh*t. Assuming Tuilagi doesn’t jump ship and get sent-off for silly tackles, he may give the Springbok backs a run for their money – but I still reckon De Villiers will nail him.

De Villiers gratefully accepts another hospital pass from Steyn.

World Cup 2011 off with a bang…sort of

Well the opening match between the hosts and Tonga went pretty much as expected, but it was not the pasting that most were expecting and All Black’s coach Graham Henry rated his team’s performance a disappointing 5 out of 10 and only marginally better than Sex and the City 2.

Henry has a few selection quandaries for upcoming matches with ‘hot off the bench-press’ Sonny Bill Williams dazzling the Tongans with his complicated tattoos and single-handed layoffs….in fact I lost count of how many times the commentator used the words ‘layoff’ and Sonny Bill Williams in the same sentence and I started to suspect him of merely enjoying saying the Inside centre’s catchy name.

Let’s be honest, it is pretty fun to say….Sonny Bill Williams….give it go and tell me it doesn’t instantly make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Call me cynic,  but I found the opening ceremony pretty underwhelming. Seeing Jonah Lomu gyrating to the ‘World in Union’ anthem (in what I can only imagine to be an attempt at dancing) was up there with ‘walking in on your parents’ on the awkwardness scale. I bet Sonny Bill Williams could show him a thing or two.

If you missed the  ceremony and match…no need to fret…as BDR has compiled a special highlights package that can be seen below. And before you ask…yes, it’s mostly clips of Sonny Bill Williams.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIMxTZr5mnY&feature=player_embedded#!]

 

Sonny Bill Williams – the fix is in!

Well, our Kiwi friends across the Indian Ocean have been making a big deal out of how Sunny Bill Williams is a really a boxer too – but it turns out they weren’t being completely honest.  I may be the only person in the world who bothered to check up on just exactly who SBW was fighting and I found some interesting YouTube footage. I’m not sure it counts if your opponents are set up for you the way they seem to have been for Sonny Bill.   Check out the footage below from his first professional fight against “Jabba the Hutt” Ryan Hogan.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Q4wCcDxfWc?rel=0&w=425&h=349]

Hmm… not exactly impressive stuff is it?  It seems to me that Sonny Bill Williams’ boxing matches might just be the biggest stitch ups the world has seen since Hulk Hogan “defeated” Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III.   Oy vey…

Sonny Bill Williams' next opponent hard at work making sure SBW's hard man reputation stays intact.