Peter de Villiers 90% sure that Boks will win World Cup – that’s comforting…

Yes! Big Daddy Rugby always enjoys it when Peter de Villiers gives an interview. These posts just write themselves. So big ol’ PdV went on record yesterday stating that he was “90% sure that the Boks will win the World Cup”.  That’s comforting…

I guess we can just ignore the really bad 2010 season and the start to the 2011 campaign.  We’ve got an assurance from the man himself.  Just to make really, really sure that we can relax ahead of the big trip down under, I thought I’d do a little research (thank you Google search bar) on previous predictions Peter de Villiers has made to the media.

So according to my very reliable research Peter de Villiers has gone on record with some famous predictions before:

  • PdV was 90% sure that when George Lucas made Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace in 1999 that it was going to be “way better than the first Star Wars films”
  • PdV was 90% sure that Buster Douglas didn’t stand a chance against Mike Tyson
  • PdV was 90% sure that South Africa didn’t stand a chance in the 438 Wanderers game, so much so that he switched off the tv after Ponting’s knock, proclaiming the Proteas performance to be “bullsh@t”.
  • PdV was 90% sure that Ricky Januarie was telling the truth about that new Atkins diet he was on
  • PdV also took out a massive subprime mortgage investment at the start of 2008 – proclaiming the American real estate market to be “as safe as houses”.
Alrighty PdV, thanks for making my day. I’m going to miss you after you’re sacked after the World Cup – just like all Bok coaches.
Peter de Villiers

Why Ricky Januarie needs to be picked for the World Cup

After a tough round of International Monetary Fund negotiations followed almost immediately by intense behind the scenes lobbying at the recent G-20 meeting in Geneva an agreement was hammered out by all of the G-20 finance ministers that South Africa should pick Ricky Januarie to go to the World Cup in New Zealand.

“Since the start of the economic crisis in the summer of 2008, all of our economies have taken severe shocks to our aggregate demand for not only food sector, but also all products and inputs related to the production of beer.  We believe that should Ricky January not be selected to go to the World Cup, the New Zealand agricultural sector will not be able to sustain the shock.

McDonalds and other fast food restaurants have already stocked up in anticipation of Ricky “Aggregate Food Demand” Januarie arriving on New Zealand shores.  Farmers began planting barley and wheat long ago, expecting the bump to our economy that would coincide with the arrival of the man known to his team mates as “4 Big Macs and a 2 pints” for his exploits at half time at Dunedin.  On behalf of all New Zealand food workers and bartenders we urge the South African government to send him to this World Cup.”

~ Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head of IMF speaking from his apartment on Rikers Island.

Apparently Pete Seeger, the folk musician and champion of low-wage workers rights everywhere has also penned a single and is currently in post-production to ensure that the single is available for release around the time that PdV will be making his Bok squad announcement.  The song is heavily influenced by Woodie Guthrie’s early folk recordings and will be known under its current working title “Bartender Blues – Ricky Glassed Me with a Pint”.

Pete Seeger - in the possible devastation that may hit the NZ food and beverage industry should Ricky Januarie not make the world cup squad, Pete stands ready to champion the causes of blue collar workers.

Pete has threatened to release his single by August if the cries of food and beverage workers in New Zealand are not heard by the Bok selectors.

Os “Keg Master” Du Randt given the boot

This week SA Rugby took the unpopular step of sacking scrum coach and “official beer keg bringer” to the afterparty, Os Du Randt. Rumours doing the rounds are that they are saving up serious cash to be able to drop big dollars on “advisors” in the run up to the World Cup this year. I would have thought winning two world cup medals would put Os in the pound seats as an expert for the World Cup campaign, but once again SA Rugby baffle the mind.

Os du Randt – Beer keg master and wingman to Ricky Januarie

So this leaves them with two options:

  • Take the money saved from sacking Os Du Randt, replace him with the Sweet Valley Primary School under 11s assistant coach, and line the pocket of SA Rugby administers (a tempting option), or
  • Go for the foreign option and hire one of rotating Kiwi/Oz “pros”. Eddie Jones anyone?

A bigger problem for the squad than who will be bringing the kegs is that on big nights out after test matches Ricky Januarie used to be able to rely on standing next Os in order to look slim. Who will be wingman to Ricky now?