Patrick Lambie

Currie Cup Final Matchup: Lambie vs Habana

Smokey the Bowler 1 Comment

BDR presents the key stats line up between the two major stars in Saturday’s Currie Cup final:

Bryan Habana

  • Position: Wing
  • Known by his teammates for:  Eating ten strawberry energy bars at his first Stormers camp to “prove his loyalty” to Cape Town.
  • Height: 1.80m
  • Favourite economist: John Maynard Keynes.
  • Weight: 94 kgs (when he sucks his belly in)
  • Favourite movie: Weekend at Bernies 2 (Jason Silverman)
  • Age:  29
  • Go to clutch move: Intercept try.
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Hegel.
  • Career ambition: Shut that n#$b up on the railway stand with the NZ flag who shows up at all of Bryan’s games.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: Careless Whisper by George Michael.

Pat Lambie:

  • Position: Flyhalf
  • Known by his teammates for:  Refusing to pass to anyone in the squad who hasn’t watched all five seasons of The Wire.
  • Height: 1.77m
  • Favourite economist: Joseph Schumpeter.
  • Weight: 83 kgs
  • Favourite movie: Pistol Whipped (Steven Seagal)
  • Age: 22
  • Go to clutch move: Step and hand off (Schalk Burger, anyone?)
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Aristotle
  • Career ambition:  Would like to be able to grow stubble just like his hero Mark Lawrence.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: La Isla Bonita by Madonna

The boy wonder Patrick Lambie vs Old Man Stirling Mortlock

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The Super 15 delivered yet again this weekend with a healthy dose of high-five moments.

One that stood-out for me personally was seeing old man Stirling Mortlock score his 50th try in Super Rugby in a surprising win for the Rebels over the Crusaders.

It was one of the those moments in sport when it felt like everyone was rooting  for the same guy…willing his tired legs over the line and allowing some of us to feel that 35 is not too old to get the boots out from under the bed and try out for selection in next year’s tournament.

The same match also saw Kurtley Beale getting flattened by a massive hit that temporarily wiped the smirk from under that ridiculous crumb-catcher of his. The guy’s a great player…but let’s face it – that tash makes him look like a someone who’s not allowed within 50 yards of a children’s playground.

Kurtley Beale

Kurtley Beale before and after his stint on ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’

 

At the other end of the age spectrum from ‘The Mortlocker’ is the cherub-faced boy wonder Pat Lambie…can this kid do no wrong?! He’s like Justin Bieber, but WITH talent!

Yet again he played a pivotal role in his team’s victory, but this time he graciously let some of his team mates get-in on the action – unlike last weekend where he scored all of the Sharks’ 28 points.

Just in case you missed that…here’s one that he finished-off in style with a little help from his friend Hosea Gear.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAyfJkFmZuM]

Pat Lambie sets his 2012 goal: the ability to grow facial hair

Smokey the Bowler 2 Comments

Our usually reliable source in Durban (the same one who said that Suarez was a nice guy, actually) has reliably informed us that young Patrick Lambie has been on a gruelling off season training routine trying to grow something resembling facial hair.  He has set himself the 2012 goal of a little pencil moustache before the end of the year and a career goal of trying to emulate the “grizzly bear on crack” look from Josh Strauss’ 2011 season.

Lambo’s motivation to achieve this 2012 goal came from a party after the World Cup, where he was openly mocked by several Stellenbosch groupies at the Acapulco Spur.  Insults like “Hey… Clean Shirt” and “Gillette Boy” were bandied about with much regularlarity until Lambie was seen bursting into tears only to be rescued by Victor Matfield who proceeded to stop the taunting by repeatedly smashing Bismark Du Plessis’ face into the bar counter.  Lambie spent the rest of the evening crouched in the fetal position in the corner of the bar, whispering to himself and sobbing gently every now and then.  Out of this dark evening was born Pat’s hunger to grow facial hair and to one day be able to imitate the two heroes in his life: Victor Matfield and Mark Lawrence.

His rigorous off season of “manning up” has included his first taste of alchohol, learning “lines” to use on girls at bars, a weekend camping at the Cedarberg without his Playstation 3 and his first trip to Mavericks (which ended badly, but he has vowed to try again).  Bismark has had to make things up to Lambie by helping him with his dress sense (no more Bugs Bunny ties at Springbok sporting functions Lambo!) and also by teaching him how to eye-gouge and apply the “one-incher” at the bottom of the ruck.  If things don’t improve before season end we understand he will be hiring Mike Tindale…

Lambie has been known to hide his shame by surrounding himself with complete knobs in a desparate attempt to appear likeable.