Sinister plot to abduct Pat Lambie uncovered

There are growing concerns surrounding Pat Lambie’s personal safety during the Bok’s visit to Ireland next week as part of their Northern Hemisphere tour.

The in-form Lambie, known for his boyish good looks and lack of facial hair, has apparently been singled out by entertainment mogul and X Factor judge Louis Walsh as an ideal candidate for his new boy-band concept Studs Aloud.

Walsh plans to create an all-male version of the hit-churning money-machine Girls Aloud, and believes ‘Lambrini’ (as he likes to call him) could successfully transfer his fleet-footed dancing skills from rugby field to pop stadium glory.

Sources have revealed that Walsh will lure the boy-wonder to his Dublin bachelor pad, where he intends to ply him with a concoction of beer shandies and humorously-shaped jello-shots in the hope of getting him to sign a ten-year contract in his own blood.

Despite languishing in a perpetual state of puberty, Lambie is said to not require the presence of a legal guardian when signing his life away.

Bok coach Heyneke Meyer is reportedly taking the claims very seriously, assigning a minder for the duration of the tour and equipping the youngster with an emergency whistle and prepaid phonecard in the event that he gets lost or seperated from the rest of the team.

Studs Aloud…coming to a bargain-bin basement sale near you soon!

The boy wonder Patrick Lambie vs Old Man Stirling Mortlock

The Super 15 delivered yet again this weekend with a healthy dose of high-five moments.

One that stood-out for me personally was seeing old man Stirling Mortlock score his 50th try in Super Rugby in a surprising win for the Rebels over the Crusaders.

It was one of the those moments in sport when it felt like everyone was rooting  for the same guy…willing his tired legs over the line and allowing some of us to feel that 35 is not too old to get the boots out from under the bed and try out for selection in next year’s tournament.

The same match also saw Kurtley Beale getting flattened by a massive hit that temporarily wiped the smirk from under that ridiculous crumb-catcher of his. The guy’s a great player…but let’s face it – that tash makes him look like a someone who’s not allowed within 50 yards of a children’s playground.

Kurtley Beale

Kurtley Beale before and after his stint on ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’


At the other end of the age spectrum from ‘The Mortlocker’ is the cherub-faced boy wonder Pat Lambie…can this kid do no wrong?! He’s like Justin Bieber, but WITH talent!

Yet again he played a pivotal role in his team’s victory, but this time he graciously let some of his team mates get-in on the action – unlike last weekend where he scored all of the Sharks’ 28 points.

Just in case you missed that…here’s one that he finished-off in style with a little help from his friend Hosea Gear.


Media fail – who predicted the Sharks to win?

Even "the Golden Child" Pat Lambie playing flyhalf at Newlands couldn't stop the Sharks from getting a shellacking

So let’s get this right. The Stormers were top of the South African conference and were unbeaten against fellow South African sides but according to a number of websites and papers in the build up to the game the Sharks were favourites to win.  At Newlands.

So how did that work out for the Sharks?  How about losing 4 tries to nil, with the bonus point for the extra try.  Spank, spank, spanked!  Ouch.

So here were the “winners’ predicting a Sharks love-fest at Newlands.

  • Mark Keohane – in his frenzied love for all things Pat Lambie predicted that even if the Stormers play well they still wouldn’t be good enough to take on the team that walks on water.
  • Supersport – Robby Kempson with the win for the Sharkies (Gavin Rich at least predicted a draw).  Instead of titling his article ‘Sharks are better up front’ it seems it would have made more sense to title this one – ‘Why you should never place money on a prediction you got from a front rower”.
  • The Cape Town newspaper The Weekend Argus (sigh)
Umm… so it’s easy to gloat on a Sunday morning – especially since Big Daddy Rugby never posted up predictions for this weekend.  But it’s not going to stop us, is it?