This week has not been a pretty one for South African politics. After eyeing the mind-boggling valuations of Facebook and LinkedIn, Julius Malema has been in the news for repeating the call to nationalise the Big Daddy Rugby website – declaring it a valuable resource which will assist in shoring up his ambitions. Not content with upsetting the SACP, COSATU and a host of Helen Zille supporters, Malema has now decided to target media in general and Big Daddy Rugby in particular.
Since anyone who criticises a politician seems to get investigated by the Hawks, South African Police Services and the local library for overdue Asterix comics, we’ll address our response in an appeal to the President: Jacob Zuma.
Jacob Zuma, I know you’re one of our biggest readers, slipping in that quick Big Daddy Rugby fix between those achingly dull cabinet meetings, and so we have a few requests. Given that some of our readership are Afrikaans, we’d like you to ask Julius Malema to stop singing ‘Kill the Boer’ and instead replace it with the more gentle “Friday” by Rebecca Black. I think that would really help build the nation. We all like Friday’s after all. I could really see even the rowdier sections of Loftus getting behind Julius Malema in a rousing chorus of “What comes after Thursday?”
JZ, the country needs leadership, my friend. We applaud your recent move to replace your singing of the traditional struggle song “Bring me my machine gun” to the more relevant “I kissed a Girl” by Katie Perry. Who wouldn’t agree with the sentiments of that song? But we need more than simply your smooth vocal stylings. The nation needs someone to tell everyone to just chill out. There’s enough room for everybody here. Oh, and there are many bored office cubicle dwellers who depend on Big Daddy Rugby’s shameless content to get them through that tough 3pm to 4pm slot at work – so let’s icksnay on the nationalistion talk. I’m pretty sure North Korea tried that already and it didn’t work out to well for them.