Aussie PM threatens sanctions against next country that beats them in sport

Things aren’t going well down under.

A statement most of us don’t want to hear from our doctor, but one that also applies to the state of Australian sport at the moment.

Not only have the English retained the ashes, but following the Wallabies loss to the All Blacks last weekend, the Poms have now usurped their former penal colony as No.3 in the IRB rankings.

A bitter pill to swallow….even when washed down with a XXXX beer. (Note to reader: in this case XXXX refers to the brand and does not imply that Aussie beer is shit. With the exception of Fosters. It’s shit.)

It would seem the recent spate of having their ass handed to them on a plate has been all too much to take for some Aussies.

In particular, the country’s Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, who has threatened economic and trade sanctions against any country that has the gall to beat his home nation in any future sporting encounters.

At a recent press conference Rudd commented:

“This is just not on. Australians don’t know the meaning of the word lose, and it’s certainly not in this government’s budget to amend the school curriculum to include a definition.

I wake up in a cold sweat most nights thinking how I’m going to restrain myself from decking David Cameron in his smug doughy face at the next Commonwealth meeting.

I believe the threat of sanctions will restore faith in our sporting teams, and I’ve already been sleeping a bit better since my wife came up with the idea.”

Aussie PM Kevin Rudd...sleep deprivation has led to some 'quirky' behaviour

Aussie PM Kevin Rudd…sleep deprivation has led to some ‘quirky’ behaviour