Heyneke Meyer has the “Morne Steyn” disease

Looks like Heyneke Meyer has succumbed to the Bok coach disease of irrational loyalty to players.  This week on the interview circuit all was revealed on the DSTV tragicomedy referred to as Boots ‘n All.

As the only guest in studio not willing to kiss anyone in a bok blazer’s ass and in his “speaking truth to power” mode, Nick Mallet called out Heyneke on the continued selection of Morne Steyn at flyhalf  despite his lack of form.  Morne is in the team to kick goals, since he doesn’t exactly give you anything else.  And he isn’t exactly kicking goals is he?

Hearing Heyneke defend his selection was painful.  He mumbled something about Morne’s form not actually being that bad and that if you switched to Afrikaans commentary during the game he actually plays quite well.

This kind of irrational disease seems to overcome South African’s in positions of power.  It also has its counter in the insane refusal to pick a player who is clearly better than “coach’s favourite”.   Is the Heyneke Meyer – Morne Steyn clouded thinking going to be up there amongst the following:

  • John “Colonel Gadaffi” Smit’s stranglehold over the De Villiers coaching tenure.
  • Jake White and “the fetcher” debacle, circa 2004, 2005 and 2006.
  • Tiaan Strauss  not being selected against the touring Kiwis in post-isolation South Africa.
  • The ANC insisting that Julius Malema “wasn’t a complete shit”, at least until he turned his idiot hose onto Jacob Zuma that is.
  • Nick Mallet and the Gary Teichmann.
  • Bryan Habana and all of his coaches during 2008 to 2011.
  • Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn not beating the shit out of Jar Jar Binks in every scene in which they appear together.

Perhaps Pat Lambie needs to start showing up to coaching sessions wearing his Morne Steyn mask.  Is that what it is going to take?  Or a miracle cure for Johan Goosen?

Morne Steyn looking pretty confident now that he has that compromising photo of Heyneke Meyer with his “Sex in the City” box set.

An appeal to Jacob Zuma – Save BDR, Save the Nation

CAPE TOWN/SOUTH AFRICA, 10JUN2009 - Jacob Zuma...

JZ's move to replace the singing of 'Bring me my machine gun' with Katy Perry's 'I kissed a girl' has been well received by most South Africans. Image via Wikipedia

This week has not been a pretty one for South African politics. After eyeing the mind-boggling valuations of Facebook and LinkedIn, Julius Malema has been in the news for repeating the call to nationalise the Big Daddy Rugby website – declaring it a valuable resource which will assist in shoring up his ambitions. Not content with upsetting the SACP, COSATU and a host of Helen Zille supporters, Malema has now decided to target media in general and Big Daddy Rugby in particular.

Since anyone who criticises a politician seems to get investigated by the Hawks, South African Police Services and the local library for overdue Asterix comics, we’ll address our response in an appeal to the President: Jacob Zuma.

Jacob Zuma, I know you’re one of our biggest readers, slipping in that quick Big Daddy Rugby fix between those achingly dull cabinet meetings, and so we have a few requests. Given that some of our readership are Afrikaans, we’d like you to ask Julius Malema to stop singing ‘Kill the Boer’ and instead replace it with the more gentle “Friday” by Rebecca Black. I think that would really help build the nation. We all like Friday’s after all. I could really see even the rowdier sections of Loftus getting behind Julius Malema in a rousing chorus of “What comes after Thursday?”

JZ, the country needs leadership, my friend. We applaud your recent move to replace your singing of the traditional struggle song “Bring me my machine gun” to the more relevant “I kissed a Girl” by Katie Perry. Who wouldn’t agree with the sentiments of that song? But we need more than simply your smooth vocal stylings. The nation needs someone to tell everyone to just chill out. There’s enough room for everybody here. Oh, and there are many bored office cubicle dwellers who depend on Big Daddy Rugby’s shameless content to get them through that tough 3pm to 4pm slot at work – so let’s icksnay on the nationalistion talk. I’m pretty sure North Korea tried that already and it didn’t work out to well for them.

Julius Malema – a contender for Bok coach?

With the news that Nick Mallet’s contract to coach Italy will not be renewed after the World Cup, it is only natural to begin the piñata bashing festival known as the debate over and selection process of picking the new Bok coach.

So here are some early thoughts on names that are sure to be thrown into the hat for speculation:

Heyneke Meyer

Heyneke is certainly due his turn. After starting with a Bulls team that began as the laughing stock of the Super rugby tournament (they went winless for an entire season) he turned the franchise’s fortunes around to the point of becoming the first Saffer coach to lift the Super Rugby trophy. In 2007 under his guidance the Bulls played a brand of rugby more akin to the kind of force of nature you see in movies about Mayan apocalypses. His reward? In true SA rugby style the man with buckets of coaching talent got shafted and left for colder shores up north. Despite his credentials I fear if he does get picked we may see a return of Liefling and a strategy built on two principles – eff em up front and non-stop drop kicks.

Allister Coetzee

Certainly the cuddliest coaching option out there. I can see a whole range of stuffed toys made in Coetzee’s likeness selling like hot-cakes at the local Engen. A solid candidate but until his WP/Stormers team actually lift silverware questions around delivery in big games will remain. Unfortunately winning a world cup as an assistant coach doesn’t get you over the finish line.

John Mitchell

With possibly the angriest looking face he is certainly physically qualified to be a test rugby coach. Although he started off well with coaching the Lions, the Ellis Park shambles that has been the Lions 2011 Super 15 season so far must have seriously dented his chances. SA Rugby’s love affair with anything Ozzie or Kiwi since Eddie Jones’ stint with the Boks might count in his favour.

Jake White

Impressive coaching record (who among us can wear a World Cup winner’s medal out on a first date?), but famously burned some bridges with top brass at SA Rugby. Taking up a position at the Brumbies most likely puts him out of the running. Those Aussie dollars have strengthened mightily since the financial crisis began.

Nick Mallett

Given that Nick will be out of a job post-World Cup he could be in theory be in the running. I suspect neither party will be keen on renewing the tortured marriage given that he has given the middle finger to South African rugby administrators not once, but twice – first as a player during the bad old days than as a coach by criticizing the ticketing prices for games.

Julius Malema

With South African politicians penchant for turning the bok team into a way of dividing rather than uniting the nation what better way for the clowns who call themselves administrators to upset the conservatives? Hell, they could really score some points here with a “political appointment”. After he succeeds in shutting down Twitter he can always move on to trying to shut down those pesky Aussie rugby blogs.