The South African Rugby Union is contractually obliged to send its *cough* strongest team to New Zealand and Australia for the away leg of the Tri-Nations. Of course, only a lunatic would risk playing valuable assets like Schalk Burger and Fourie du Preez with the World Cup a matter of weeks away. So what to do to get out this pickle?
PdV’s solution? A creative injury list that would do the folks at Enron and Goldman Sachs proud. Here’s the list of players who are on the *cough* injury list and their respective reasons for non-availability:
- Duane Vermeulen – Knee injury
- Schalk Burger – Just received a complete box set of the Wire on DVD and needs time to “get into it”.
- Victor Matfield – new hairdo needs time to settle before it can be seen in public
- Frans Steyn – existential crisis
- Jacque Fourie – recovering from a bad breakup and not feeling “up” to seeing people
- Jean de Villiers – cramp (is there any other reason?)
- Juan Smith – shoulder is a “bit sore” of playing cricket in the nets
- Willem Alberts – depressed
- Bismarck du Plessis – working on his book deal with Jannie in attempt to steal his brother’s limelight
- Andries Bekker – pants were too short during last game, hurting “a bit”
- Jannie du Plessis – answering Agony Aunt letters
- Francois Louw – had a night out on the tiles, feeling a bit “poorly”
- Gurthro Steenkamp – can’t miss season finale of Dexter
- Francois Hougaard – needs to look for new pink boots in Benoni
- Butch James – Mom expects him to come over for a braai on the day of the first test
- JP Pieterson – Not in a “good place” mentally
- Tendai ‘The Beast” Mtawarira – Still queueing at the Department of Home Affairs
- Bryan Habana – still feeling a bit hurt after he copped abuse during ‘open question’ time at Sweet Valley Primary School’s “Meet the Boks” day
- Bakkies Botha – celebrating his five year anniversary with Victor Matfield with a bottle of bubbly and the first season of “Frasier”
Hats off to Pieter de Villiers for managing the injury list creatively, while still managing to fulfil the letter of the law. You wily fox you, Pieter, you’ve got a career at Goldman Sachs just waiting for you. Just make sure you don’t put any money on the Boks this Tri-Nations.