England name squad for South African tour de farce

England have named their 42-man squad for their tour to South Africa next month.

Stuart Lancaster, who was offered the head honcho role back in March, has stuck with a similar squad to the one that ended the 6 Nations on high by beating Ireland 30 – 9 and finishing in a respectable 2nd place.

The selectors have also chosen to bring back hell raising scrum-half Danny ‘Day’ Care, after his stint on the naughty step for repeated alcohol related benders (see previous BDR post).

Care commented:

“I’m really looking forward to being a part of this tour. I’ve heard the beaches and wine in South Africa are up there with the best! But this is no holiday, well…it’s kind of a holiday…I mean sure, we’re out there to play rugby, but you still got have time to unwind and let your hair down. When in Rome and all that!”

Stuart Lancaster…will want to keep a tight grip on his balls during the tour to SA.

Danny Care makes it a hat-trick

Danny ‘Devil may care’ Care recently completed a remarkable hat-trick….of arrests!

The England and Harlequins scrum-half, who was dropped from the 6 Nations squad earlier this year for being pissed behind the wheel, was arrested in Leeds over the weekend  – this time for being caught pissing outside a hotel in the city centre.

Apparently Care was on his way home from a night out on the town when he was forced to ask the driver of the taxi he was in to pull over so that he could ‘release the Kraken’.

Care was later released with a caution (that he should wash his hands in future) and in a statement made after the incident said:

“I understand the link that will be made to previous offences but, as with my fine in December, the issue is more one of a small bladder than excessive drinking.”

So Danny’s the victim here people…overactive bladder syndrome’s no laughing matter, unless your Ben Youngs or Lee Dickson that is, in which case your laughing all the way into the No. 9 jersey!

Danny Care

Danny Care gets used to his new position in the England squad...as a spectator.

England training to involve regular AA meetings

England’s caretaker coach Stuart Lancaster is contemplating regular AA meetings as part of the team’s preparation ahead of the Six Nations next month.

This comes after scrum-half Danny Care was arrested twice in three weeks for drink‑related offences. The Harlequins player was stopped by police on New Year’s Eve for driving while twice over the limit, having previously been arrested for being drunk and disorderly.

Care has now been thrown-out of the squad and Lancaster is said to be extremely disappointed, reportedly saying ‘Danny is an embarrassment to the team, Tindall would’ve been at least five times over the limit and would still have had the sense to try and do a runner…he has a BMW 5-series for Christ’s sake!’

The recently appointed coach is insisting that there is not an endemic drinking problem within the England ranks and has defended the proposed AA meetings as being a motivational exercise in which the players will learn to have fun outside of a ‘24-hour drug fueled partython environment.’

The dramatically reduced risk of hepatitis of the liver would just be an added bonus.

Danny Care contemplates missing-out on the Six nations...over a stiff drink of course.