The Supersport Rugby Commentary game for toddlers and grownups

Need a game to amuse kids at a party?  Need a replacement for a Supersport rugby studio guest when one of the current “analysts” is unavailable?

Write the following phrases on separate pieces of paper, put in a tin and shake up, read out in whichever order you drew them and “hey Presto” you’ve just pulled off a DSTV Supersport Rugby broadcast – with the same quality you’ve come to expect from years of abuse at the hands of Naas Botha and co.

  • “This one will be decided up front”
  • “I think they just didn’t want it enough”
  • “It was a game of two halves”
  • “He just took his eyes off the ball there when he dropped it”
  • “It’s all about who wants it the most”
  • “No one works harder in training than [insert name of player who is woefully out of form]”
  • “electricifying pace”/”the atmosphere is electric”
  • “are these guys even practising anything in training” (reserved for where one of the participants is pretending to be Nick Mallett”
  • “Whatever the coach said at half time has worked”
  • “He’s been a great servant of the game”

You can be just as good as Arnie Geerdts!

Hugh Bladen *facepalm* from the Sports Billy site

Oh the joys of stumbling through the interwebs aimlessly.  The Sports Billy site has some views on the state of commentary in South Africa. Sports Billy has a knack of telling it like Big Daddy Rugby feels about Hugh Bladen’s commentary.

Here’s the “guide to commentate like Hugh Bladen” from the Sports Billy site.

Prepare hipflask before kickoff. Have a quick ‘tongue loosener’. Oh my, that slid down didn’t it, there’s plenty of time. Gulp. Gulp. Damn hip-flask leaks. Fill it up, then. Do pre-match interview in howling gale with hair blowing more than a Oxford Rd night-walker. Have a little ‘shudderer’ to warm up. Shout ‘UNBELIEVABLE’ when Barman pours you a triple. Rehearse shouting ‘UNBELIEVABLE’, you gonna use it a lot. Repeat player’s name adhoc with increasing urgency when lost for words ala ‘Van der Westhuizen, VAN der Westhuizen, VAN DER WESTHUIZEN.’ Gulp gulp. Stay away from balconies.

The Sports Billy site full article at http://thesportbilly.wordpress.com/2011/03/15/the-men-behind-the-mic/

It’s best to think of Hugh Bladen as an older, sadder version of Charlie Sheen.

Vote for Change: This aggression will not stand!

If anyone else out there feels as disgruntled as I do by the vacuous drivel that passes for English rugby commentary on SuperSport now is the time to act!

We the viewers are finally being asked for our opinions and are now able to rate the current crop of stuttering goons via a survey on SuperSports’ Super Rugby home page – which you can find here

It’s about high that there was a regime change in the rugby commentary booths in SA, but I must admit though that I’m a little bit torn as to who offends my ears the most.
The tone alone of Stransky’s voice is enough to give me a light nose bleed, but then having to listen to the slurred mumblings from the mouth of Hugh Bladen often sends me into a spiral of heavy binge drinking.

In my mind it’s the complete lack of wit and entertaining banter from the commentary teams that mark them out as being horribly dull. It’s “paint by numbers” commentary over at SuperSport but hopefully this is our chance to change that.

There are a few though who do manage to rise above the level of mediocrity and it would be unfair of me not to say that I think Ashwin Willemse, Matt Pearce and Owen Nkumane all do a pretty solid job.

I guess if I had to pick one to pack their bags and leave it would have to be Hugh Bladen, the thought being that if you cut off the head of the snake the body will die too.

Get voting people! Unless of course you like the idea of waking up to Stransky and Bladen come September?

The Stransky / Bladen combo takes another good man down

Ozzie Commentary – bring on the Super 15!

I’m ready for the Super 15. And by that, I mean I am ready for Ozzie commentary. The Ozzies know how to make a broadcast entertaining, from Phil Kearns’ gems in the commentary box down to Rod Kafer’s banter from the sidelines. The Bladen/Skinstad/Stransky debacle that is SA commentary can learn a lot from these guys.

Here are a few Phil Kearns/Rod Kafer gems from the past to get you ready for today’s big kickoff:

– Now THAT’s a meat pie!
– But gee, ref… he’s Richie McCaw. He can’t do anything wrong!
– He’s just standing in the back line like a bit of feta cheese
– Just what the Highlanders need – another mullet
– Shut up Clarkie – no one is interested in your comments
– He was like a blind man in a brothel, just left groping
– I’ve seen salsa dancing more aggressive than that

My dirty little secret

Is it ok to say that I’m not really too fussed about the new Super 15 format? I’ve got the basics down, like there are now 15 teams competing and that they’re grouped together in fancy “conferences”, but other than that it’s all a little vague to me. I did try heading over to the Super 15 site and had a look at their explanatory video clip but I got bored and zoned out.
Maybe I’ll be a little more focused once it actually starts.

One thing I am excited about though is listening to the Aussie commentators on Fox sports. The Phil Kearns / Greg Martin combo is a great laugh. Sure they’re biased but at least they’re “funny biased”. The chirp made a few years ago about Percy getting his gold boots from the Gay Mardi Gras still cracks me up.

Having said that the Kiwi commentators are not too bad either. They’re very measured and professional in their approach. The SuperSport team really needs to up their game. I can’t help but feel short-changed when the only commentary options DSTV offers for the SA based games are English, Afrikaans and Xhosa. I’d take Kearns / Martin every game if I could.

Roll on the 18th.