So we’re 6 weeks into the Super 15, the Stormers are undefeated and top of both the South African conference and the combined Super 15 log. On paper they are in prime position to take their first Super rugby title. In reality, we know the ending to the script, so this leaves only the big question:
How will the Stormers find a way to pull this season out the snatches of victory, stuff it in the kitchen sink and choke it with all the enthusiasm and determination of a Proteas cricket player?
Since we know the Stormers are NEVER going to win the title this year, shall we sketch out a few scenarios for how they could creatively find a way to butcher yet another promising start to the season? I see a few possibilities:
- They cruise through to a home semi against a minnow Kiwi team only to derail things internally with a row over pay and whether or not Brok Harris is entitled to wear pink boots in the new Axe Deodorant commercial.
- Jacque Fourie gets an injury niggle thereby rendering the Stormers backline about as penetrative and threatening as Hans Solo frozen in carbonite.
- Peter Grant forgets his finals BMT in the changing room and goes zero for ten at Loftus.
- A Stormers playoff spot is dependent on only needing to win a derby against a weaker home union like the Lions or Cheetahs. It’s in the bag until their up-until-then winless opponents happen to choose that day to play the game of their lives, knocking the Stormers out of the competition and injuring Schalk Burger in the process.
- Naqelevuki makes a surprise return to the Stormers squad, is rushed into the finals and knocks the ball on while attempting to score the winning try before tackling Mark Lawrence to ensure a red card send off back to Fiji.
Oh Stormers, how will you break our hearts this year?