Habana charge-down

When was the last time you saw a conversion charged-down?!

Most likely the 20th, possibly even 19th century…when a rugby ball was basically an animal’s lower intestine filled with porridge, which then conveniently doubled-up as a post-match haggis.

That’s unless you happened to catch the Hurricanes vs Stormers match yesterday in which Habana chased-down a 40th minute conversion, like a hungry beast released from a cage and eager for his half-time slice of orange.

Habana has come in for a lot of stick here on Big Daddy Rugby…but there’ll be a lot more carrot dangling (and NO, that’s not a euphemism!) if he continues show moments of genius like this…




Currie Cup Final Matchup: Lambie vs Habana

BDR presents the key stats line up between the two major stars in Saturday’s Currie Cup final:

Bryan Habana

  • Position: Wing
  • Known by his teammates for:  Eating ten strawberry energy bars at his first Stormers camp to “prove his loyalty” to Cape Town.
  • Height: 1.80m
  • Favourite economist: John Maynard Keynes.
  • Weight: 94 kgs (when he sucks his belly in)
  • Favourite movie: Weekend at Bernies 2 (Jason Silverman)
  • Age:  29
  • Go to clutch move: Intercept try.
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Hegel.
  • Career ambition: Shut that n#$b up on the railway stand with the NZ flag who shows up at all of Bryan’s games.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: Careless Whisper by George Michael.

Pat Lambie:

  • Position: Flyhalf
  • Known by his teammates for:  Refusing to pass to anyone in the squad who hasn’t watched all five seasons of The Wire.
  • Height: 1.77m
  • Favourite economist: Joseph Schumpeter.
  • Weight: 83 kgs
  • Favourite movie: Pistol Whipped (Steven Seagal)
  • Age: 22
  • Go to clutch move: Step and hand off (Schalk Burger, anyone?)
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Aristotle
  • Career ambition:  Would like to be able to grow stubble just like his hero Mark Lawrence.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: La Isla Bonita by Madonna

A bag of crisps for Bryan Habana, anyone? Anyone?

Bryan Habana goes for the line.

In the words of Bob Dylan - There's a slow, slow train coming up around the bend. Image via Wikipedia

Supersport’s Brenden Nel reported earlier this week that Bryan Habana got the snub from Toulon for asking for an outrageous R21 million contract. Clearly Habana thinks it is still 2007 and that the sun still shines out of his oversized bicycle shorts. Habana seems to forgotten that since the golden days of 2007 when he stood at the tippy top of the rugby world, he has slowed down to the speed of a Telkom customer service line and added the handling skills of an eel juggling a bowl of Jello.

The Habana of pre-2007 would never have been caught from behind during last week’s Stormers’ v Bulls game. And I stand under correction, but I suspect that the pre-2007 Habana had a better haircut too. Sure, the pre-2007 Habana might actually have been worth shelling out that amount of money. But R21 million in 2011?  Bryan – what have you been smoking?

The Toulon owner who bankrolls the French rugby club was apparently big fan of Habanero but I suspect must actually have seen some footage of the slow coach since negotiation.  Chippie the Cleaner Our reliable source in the Stormers camp reports that Habana and his dad are in new negotiations with an as yet unnamed English team to bring “ol’ faithful” up North. Apparently this time Habana is being more realistic and has reduced his asking price down from R21m to a more modest offer of:

–        a packet of crisps,

–        Seasons 1 through 4 of the Wire on a DVD box set,

–        and a complete set of “Mr T from the A-team” collectors cards.

At this stage whether or not the Wire box set needs to still be in its original packaging seems to be sticking point on the negotiations.

That’s more like it Bryan.

Yowzer: Stormers rage against the dying of the SA light

On a weekend where another South African sporting team – whose name shall not be mentioned – cut out the hearts of South Africans, spat on them and then trampled them into the subcontinent dirt, I headed off to Newlands to watch the Stormers v Force game with low spirits, low expectations and in a foul mood all around.

51-17. Yowzer, that is brutal no matter how the Australian press might try to spin their development phase storyline. Some of the teams from the land of beer and suntan lotion are dishing up absolute tripe this season.  After Jacque Fourie crashed over in the first few minutes it was evident that the Force would do well to keep the score down. The Stormers were outmuscling them, out smashing them and dominating all facets of play – including most stylish haircuts. It looked like men against boys out there. Well with one exception: Bryan Habana.

The Stormers raged against the dying of the light on an otherwise bleak and merciless weekend for SA sport.

Habana continued his miserable 2011 form this weekend. He looked genuinely frightened of the ball at various points in the game. It reminded me of those old under-10 rugby days where you had that one kid in the team who stayed inside your own 22 hoping and praying all game long that no-one would launch any up and unders in his  general direction.

Still, the Stormers did what was asked of them to try and make up for the dismal misery that dared called itself a sporting weekend. For that they get a hat-tip from Big Daddy Rugby, a little wink and a drink on the house.

As for the team whose name shall not be mentioned – they best not show up in my neck of the woods with any cheeky smiles.

Habana – Ferrari turned Daihatsu

So who in Stormer’s management paid for Bryan Habana’s moved to the Cape?  The Bulls must be laughing all the way to the bank. How could a man capable of moments like this:

be turned into the old circus donkey that we’ve got down in the Cape now? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen Habana do anything remotely resembling that try since he got his new jersey. Its a pretty sad indictment on the conditioning programming at the Stormers and WP that you can see Habana’s loss of pace visibly deteriorate over his career down here.  If I read one more tweet from the Stormers camp, or one more article from the biased Cape press about how Habana has “regained his pace in training” and is capable of running the 100m 0.4 seconds faster than Usain Bolt, I’ll gag.

Did the moment that Habana put on his Stormer’s jersey coincide with the moment he lost his pace?  He seems still capable of finishing tries, as any good finisher would – a bit like Danie Gerber at the end of his career.  Only Habana seems slower than Gerber on crutches.

In Stormer’s land we pay top dollar for a Ferrari, but get an old Daihatsu.  Ouch.