S15 preview: Get ready for the Southern Kings screwjob

Southern Kings

Southern Kings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Southern Kings unfortunately decided to switch their logo at their last minute before the 2013 season kicked off.  The more fitting image of a baby seal being clubbed to death was replaced with something resembling 4 Bic pens randomly sprouting towards the sky.

2013 is not going to pretty for this franchise.  You’ve got to feel for them.  Consider how the  South African rugby administration has set them up to fail.

  • SARU dicking around for most 2011 and 2012 and not making it clear which teams would be participating (how do you recruit when you don’t know which teams will be in or out?)
  • The Lions refusing to loan any players to the Kings, despite the fact that they were offered to all the other South African franchises.
  • Only giving the Kings one season to stay afloat in the S15 (who wants to sign for a team that will finish last and be relegated?)
  • SARU refusing to relax the foreign quota limit for the Kings in light of the above (it was waived for the Melbourne Rebels by the ARU).  Would have been great to see a few more Kenyans in this squad.

Yip, it’s pretty much a certainty they are going to be on the receiving end of some massive hidings.  Away from home, you’d be brave to bet against them conceding 100 points somewhere along the way.  The really irritating thing here, is that would have been great to see a good side playing out of P.E.

Players to watch this season: Luke Watson and … um… I am pretty sure there are one or two other decent players, aren’t there?

If they had a theme song by Leonard Cohen it would be: “Never Any Good”.

Prospects for 2013: Nuclear holocaust.

Thierry Dusautoir….the man who was raised by bears

Not many people know this about the former French captain Thierry Dusautoir, but he was raised by bears.

This hasn’t stopped him from becoming one of the greatest flankers the game has ever seen, but it has meant a challenging journey of self-discovery in which he has had to forego his previous life to adopt the confined existence of human society.

In the early stages of his rugby career, Dusautoir refused to wear clothes and instead of releasing after the tackle, he would rip all his opponents limbs off and then proceed to eat their liver. At times washed down with a nice Chianti. His interpretation of a maul was also at times…suspect.

As you can imagine, he spent more time in the sin-bin than on the playing field, but with support from his bear family (in particular his Uncle Joe – see pic below) and the encouragement of his trainer  – he overcame his primal urges to produce some truly great rugby and become IRB Player of the Year in 2011.

Now back from injury, he returns to the team in today’s 6 Nations clash against Italy, in which France will be hoping to avoid a repeat of their shock defeat two years ago – and you can bet Dusautoir will be pawing the ground in anticipation.

Thierry with Uncle Joe, who will be growling from the sidelines.

Thierry with Uncle Joe, who will be growling from the sidelines.




The battle of the Celts

The 6 Nations tournament kicks-off today with a mouth-watering encounter between two Celtic nations who have really upped their game in recent years.

Since winning the grand slam last year, it’s fair to say Wales have not had a great run….in fact, it’s been more like a chain-smoker struggling to climb a flight of stairs weighed down by having an entire nation’s hopes and dreams on their back.

Ireland have also underwhelmed of late, but they have O’Driscoll back (could it be his last?!) to bolster their hopes of their first title since 2009.

Ireland are a good team so could give the Welsh a run for their money…but they’ll have the hulk that is George North to contend with first.

George North....don't make him angry.

George North….don’t make him angry.

The Lions 2013: a game of thrones



After finding themselves on the wrong end of SARFU backroom dealings, the Lions will not be participating in this year’s Super 15.    This weekend saw them taking on the less fancied Russian national team at Ellis Park as part of a completely rejigged schedule for 2013.   Johan Ackermann  and management have had to scramble to organise “decent” opponents to keep the squad sharp for the promotion-relegation layoffs later this year.

They have cobbled together a tournament of sorts now being referred to as “the Game of Thrones”.




Here are the fixtures and opponents as far as we can tell:




  • February 2, 2013:  Lions v Sweet Valley Primary School under 13B rugby team (“C” team not available that weekend)
  • February 15, 2013: Lions v Meadowridge Baptist Youth Group (game moved to Friday to accommodate “lift” arrangements with parents)
  • March 8, 2013:  Lions v USA invitational (away game).
  • March 15, 2013:  Lions v North America invitational (away game)
  • April 13, 2013: Lions v car guards at Shoprite-Checkers (match to be played under “Southern Suburbs rules”)
  • April 20, 2013: Lions v Peoples Republic of Korea followed by Lions v Peoples Republic of Hout Bay (a despot double header!)
  • April 27, 2013: Lions v Wales.


Shooo… if you’re a season ticket holder best sell them now, before your potential buyers get a look at this fixture list.


Lions (rugby union)

Lions (rugby union) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


2013….the rugby year ahead!

Rugby 2013

Having survived the potential threat of a Mayan apocalypse, most people (well me anyway) are now merrily plotting their 2013 rugby-viewing calendar.

As always, there’s much to look forward to and in the spirit of Oscar season, here’s a brief BDR awards preview:

6 Nations – 02 Feb

 Best Actor Nominees:

Owen Farrell – the new(ish) golden-boy of England rugby, his performances and delivery have been deadly this season.

 Best Director nominees:

Rob Howley – the Welsh head coach is putting together an all-star cast, in an epic bid to retain the 6-Nations title.

 If it was a Spielberg film:

The Colour Purple – the Scottish thistle will be in full bloom if they manage to win, well….anything really.

Super rugby – 15 Feb

 Best Actor Nominees:

Schalk ‘the Hulk’ Burger – back from ‘injury’ (or what industry insiders call a cosmetic surgery getaway) to take a lead role in the The Stormers’ campaign.

Best Director nominees:

John Plumtree – he came painfully close to the ultimate prize last year with a stellar performance (remember this?), he has also brought in critically acclaimed assistant director Carlos ‘Twinkle Toes’ Spencer to help with this year’s production.

 If it was a Spielberg film:

Jaws – the Sharks will be hoping the sequel is better than the last one.

British & Irish Lions Tour Australia – 1 June

Best Actor Nominees:

Brain O’Driscoll – the man, the legend, will be hoping his rousing performances can help make amends for missing out in the 2001 awards…and who knows, maybe bag him a lifetime achievement award!?

Best Director nominees:

Robbie Deans – despite a rocky few months at the helm, the Wallaby coach is still Top-Gun…and some might say a bit of a rebel with a cause.

If it was a Spielberg film:

War of the Worlds – well okay, hemispheres…if you want to be picky about it!

4 Nations Rugby championship – 17 Aug

Best Actor Nominees:

Richie McCaw – he may be taking a sabbatical (trying out a new hair-style?), but really…is there any competition here?

Best Director nominees:

Santiago Phelan – the Argentine head-honcho will be hoping to make another impression with his portrayal of gritty realism, having taken the best foreign language accolade in last year’s competition.

If it was a Spielberg film:

The Terminal – there’ll be lots of time spent in these during the course of this competition.

Richie McCaw preparing his acceptance speech.

Richie McCaw preparing his acceptance speech.

2012 A Springbok Scorecard

The Springbok season is over and it is time to pull out the scorecard.

Best Player:

Duane Vermeulen, who is rapidly approaching “players who may not be criticized on this blog” status.

Best Hair:

Jannie “Eagles Roadie” Du Plessis.

Player who looked best in shorts:

Andries Strauss (pulling off the naughty standard 6 schoolboy look)

Player who looked worst in shorts:

Flip Van der Merwe.

The annual “Hansie Cronje” award for embarrassing your country:

Dean MacGyver Greyling.  Not just for the most atrocious “impact” performance seen on a rugby field, but also for having the middle name MacGyver (editor: this one we didn’t make up).

Moment we knew the Boks were going to have a rubbish season:

Pick any of the following:

(a) When Zane Kirchner was picked in the starting line up for the first test

(b) Half time against Argentina in Argentina

(c) When you saw Heyneke still had his GI Joe haircut at the first press conference

(d) When Heyneke uttered the words “if you execute plan A well enough, you don’t need a plan B.”

The Percy Montgomery “booed by your own fans” award:

Morne Steyn.

Best commentator/analyst:

Nick Mallet.  He may just be my new hero.  Please just bring up ticket prices for international matches one more time, Nick.

Worst commentator/analyst:

Arnie “A game of two halves/strangely orange” Geerdts.

Match that put everything in perspective:

Tonga beat Scotland by roughly the same margin as the Boks did the week before.  That should shut up the “a win is a win” brigade.

Overall assessment: “E” for a Fail.  With the talent available to the Boks, 2012 was not good enough.  We also call BS on the “this was a relatively young team” excuse.  That’s second only to “judge me on the World Cup” in terms of desperation.

It has been rumoured that as a child Duane Vermeulen wrote the original screenplay that David Lynch went on to use as “Twin Peaks”.

Wales bring in the big guns for All Black clash

An under-performing Welsh team have welcomed back Warren Gatland with open arms this week as he seeks to plot a miraculous victory against his home nation.

Gatland has taken a back seat over the last few months with disastrous consequences for the Welsh team, who are slipping down the IRB world rankings faster than Richie McCaw can undo a cheerleader’s brassiere*.

Apparently Gatland’s tactics to counter the formidable Kiwi attack this weekend include slowing the ball at the breakdown, tactical kicking and the use of heavy artillery by arming  full-back Leigh Halfpenny with a 6-barrel Gatling gun.

Currently this stands at 3.4 seconds…with one hand.

If this won’t stop the All Blacks, nothing will.



Scotland v South Africa

That was embarrassing.  Watching Pat Lambie forced to imitate Morne Steyn and the Boks playing such dull and uninspiring brand of rugby really got me depressed.  I can’t have been the only one who found myself switching the channel away from the Bok match.

Heyneke Meyer has been blessed with the most talented pool of players to pick from, probably in Bok history.  Which former coach has had the ability to choose a flyhalf from between Goosen, Lambie and Jantjies?  Can you imagine what Mallet would have done with those players?  Which coach would have been so idiotic as to look at this list of talent and then pick Morne “the revolving turnstile” Steyn for half a season?

At first it was kind of funny to see Meyer persist with Zane Kirchner at fullback, now seeing Zane Kirchner lining up during the anthems is just sad, depressing and lonely.  Ruan Pienaar clears the ball from a ruck about as fast as a pensioner at the Meadowridge Park n Shop ATM.

We should be putting fifty on the Scots.  Not talking about how a “win is a win”.  Pathetic.

BDR Fashion – The Jannie du Plessis look

In a new series on BDR we discuss how to get that look of iconic players.

We start with current Springbok tighthead, Dr Jannie and that hard to get “Eagles Roadie” look that Jannie has been pulling off all year:

  • Obtain ironic “80’s metal band” tshirt for use on nights on the town.
  • Apply day old chip fat and rub liberally in your hair (alternatively a litre of day old peanut oil will do)
  • Lean casually against a wall in any situation
  • Drop cryptic references to “life on the farm” in any conversation
  • Faded denims (torn at the knee)
  • A pair of Doc Martins
  • Axe Body Spray


Scotland’s blueprint to take on the All Blacks leaked to the press

Scotland’s coach Andy Robinson is reportedly furious after his coaching blueprint to take on the heavily favoured world champion All Blacks was leaked  to the press this week after one of the players left a copy in a nightclub after a bender.

Here is what Scotland are planning to do to counter NZ this weekend:

  • Braveheart marathon on Friday night (yeah!)
  • Morning of the game: squad listens to Metallica’s Master of Puppets album
  • Energy bars and espressos for everyone
  • First twenty minutes of the game: “take ’em on up front!” (coach’s words)
  • Rest of the game: … (we have nothing.  Impovise potentially?)

Andy is not pleased.  Now NZ know how to prepare for Scotland.

Damnit! They stole my ideas!

Sinister plot to abduct Pat Lambie uncovered

There are growing concerns surrounding Pat Lambie’s personal safety during the Bok’s visit to Ireland next week as part of their Northern Hemisphere tour.

The in-form Lambie, known for his boyish good looks and lack of facial hair, has apparently been singled out by entertainment mogul and X Factor judge Louis Walsh as an ideal candidate for his new boy-band concept Studs Aloud.

Walsh plans to create an all-male version of the hit-churning money-machine Girls Aloud, and believes ‘Lambrini’ (as he likes to call him) could successfully transfer his fleet-footed dancing skills from rugby field to pop stadium glory.

Sources have revealed that Walsh will lure the boy-wonder to his Dublin bachelor pad, where he intends to ply him with a concoction of beer shandies and humorously-shaped jello-shots in the hope of getting him to sign a ten-year contract in his own blood.

Despite languishing in a perpetual state of puberty, Lambie is said to not require the presence of a legal guardian when signing his life away.

Bok coach Heyneke Meyer is reportedly taking the claims very seriously, assigning a minder for the duration of the tour and equipping the youngster with an emergency whistle and prepaid phonecard in the event that he gets lost or seperated from the rest of the team.

Studs Aloud…coming to a bargain-bin basement sale near you soon!

Heyneke shocks nation by not picking entire Bulls squad for Bok tour

Heyneke Meyer dropped a bombshell on the South African public this weekend by not picking the entire Bulls squad for the 30 man touring party to the UK.

When asked about why he made the controversial decision not to pick 30 Blue Bulls to tour, he had the following to say:

“Look, let’s be honest.  With the Bulls finishing 4th out of 6 teams and when you consider that one of the teams that finished above the Bulls doesn’t even qualify to play Super Rugby next year, you must know I was under a lot of pressure to pick all thirty Bulls players to represent South Africa.

I was quite close to picking Gio Aplon and Deon Fourie, I must admit, since they are technically much better than some of the current squad, but then I was talking to my assistant coaches and one of them pointed out that Jano Vermaak once dated one of the sisters of one of the other Bulls players, so how I could leave him out?  Also, Zane and Morne both have copies of those photos that were taken of me the night that Bulls won the Super Rugby title.  You know, where we had the after party… with the thing… and the other thing.  So I pretty much have to pick them.

But still.  I can squeak in a few non-Bulls players.  I mean, I am a Bulls, er, I mean Bok coach, after all.  That’s my right.  At least that’s what the Blue Bulls Rugby Union tells me I can do.”


Heyneke. Making a career out of pissing off Nick Mallett.

Eben Etzebeth footage from Currie Cup Final uncovered

The talk of the town in wine estates, fashion boutiques and French restaurants across the Cape Peninsula today is of Eben Etzebeth’s epic performance in the final against the Sharks.  One of our drinking buddies was lucky enough to be in attendance at the Shark tank and managed to capture this footage of Eben Etzebeth dismantling the Sharks:

Eben Etzebeth ensuring that the advantage line was not crossed by the Sharks in the second half. I think our cameraman was using that Instagram filter thingy.

Currie Cup Final Matchup: Lambie vs Habana

BDR presents the key stats line up between the two major stars in Saturday’s Currie Cup final:

Bryan Habana

  • Position: Wing
  • Known by his teammates for:  Eating ten strawberry energy bars at his first Stormers camp to “prove his loyalty” to Cape Town.
  • Height: 1.80m
  • Favourite economist: John Maynard Keynes.
  • Weight: 94 kgs (when he sucks his belly in)
  • Favourite movie: Weekend at Bernies 2 (Jason Silverman)
  • Age:  29
  • Go to clutch move: Intercept try.
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Hegel.
  • Career ambition: Shut that n#$b up on the railway stand with the NZ flag who shows up at all of Bryan’s games.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: Careless Whisper by George Michael.

Pat Lambie:

  • Position: Flyhalf
  • Known by his teammates for:  Refusing to pass to anyone in the squad who hasn’t watched all five seasons of The Wire.
  • Height: 1.77m
  • Favourite economist: Joseph Schumpeter.
  • Weight: 83 kgs
  • Favourite movie: Pistol Whipped (Steven Seagal)
  • Age: 22
  • Go to clutch move: Step and hand off (Schalk Burger, anyone?)
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Aristotle
  • Career ambition:  Would like to be able to grow stubble just like his hero Mark Lawrence.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: La Isla Bonita by Madonna

Josh Strauss to make big screen debut

Josh Strauss as you know him now…

If you thought Josh Strauss talents were consigned to the base of a rugby scrum…then think again.

It has recently been confirmed that in addition to joining the Glasgow Warriors on a new contract, he has signed a 3-year deal with Warner Bros. Pictures and is set to appear in the blockbuster film Argo, which was released in the US last week.

Strauss has already received rave reviews over his powerful performance, with some critics going so far as to compare him to an early Ben Affleck, only with more hair. And talent.

Playing a former CIA Officer involved in a clandestine operation during the Iranian Revolution, Strauss apparently drew on his experiences as part of the 2011 Currie Cup Final to bring a gritty realism to the role.

He has cited Will Ferrell as a big influence and says his biggest regret is not having had the opportunity to play Dumbledore in the Harry Potter franchise.

Josh Strauss as you will know him from now on…a friggin Hollywood star!!!

Currie Cup Final Four Preview

The preliminary fluff of domestic South African rugby is over and we’ve got a few weeks of “real” Currie Cup rugby with the return of the Springboks and the start of the post-season knock-outs.  It’s time for a look at the final four teams left standing.


Player to look out for: Elton Jantjies.  Watch him here before he gets set up by Heyneke to fail on the northern hemisphere tour.

Best known for: It’s an odd team strategy to base your chances of winning silverware by having the most rubbish squad available so that none of your players get picked for Bok duty.  This allows you to then clean up against weakened opponents while the Boks are away on tour.  The key is to then try to ride the momentum through to the final.  Also known for half time talks from the coach that involve hazing rituals, mental and physical abuse of the current scrumhalf.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “Beyond Here Lies Nothing”

Western Province

Player to look out for:  Bryan Habana. Those evenings spent around the campfire with Heyneke Meyer during the Bok season has allowed him to regain his form.

Best known for:  The ability to be on fire during the regular season but then fail to put together anything resembling decent rugby in the knock-out stages thus ensuring that their own fans boo them at home as they get knocked out of a tournament they once led.  The “Proteas” of South African rugby.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “Everything is Broken”


Player to look out for: Pat Lambie.  It’s getting to be one of the last few times for Lambo to roll the dice to become the next big Springbok flyhalf hope.  He’s in danger of becoming another false hope.

Best known for: Good cheerleaders, not so good backline play.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “Just Like A Woman”


Player to look out for:  Morne Steyn.  He’s not going to come good just in time for the final, is he?

Best known for:  With Heyneke Meyer’s mad King Lear like insistence on picking all things Bulls (including his lunch box), many parts of the country are turning against the Bulls franchise.  Some may go as far as to hope for a convenient injury to unpopular players.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “With God On Our Side”.

The Supersport Rugby Commentary game for toddlers and grownups

Need a game to amuse kids at a party?  Need a replacement for a Supersport rugby studio guest when one of the current “analysts” is unavailable?

Write the following phrases on separate pieces of paper, put in a tin and shake up, read out in whichever order you drew them and “hey Presto” you’ve just pulled off a DSTV Supersport Rugby broadcast – with the same quality you’ve come to expect from years of abuse at the hands of Naas Botha and co.

  • “This one will be decided up front”
  • “I think they just didn’t want it enough”
  • “It was a game of two halves”
  • “He just took his eyes off the ball there when he dropped it”
  • “It’s all about who wants it the most”
  • “No one works harder in training than [insert name of player who is woefully out of form]”
  • “electricifying pace”/”the atmosphere is electric”
  • “are these guys even practising anything in training” (reserved for where one of the participants is pretending to be Nick Mallett”
  • “Whatever the coach said at half time has worked”
  • “He’s been a great servant of the game”

You can be just as good as Arnie Geerdts!

Richie McCaw punches himself in the face

If you caught the All Blacks’ convincing win (16th consecutive and counting…) over the Boks this weekend, you probably noticed Richie McCaw nursing a lovely shiner after the match.

So what?!…you might say. It’s not surprising when you consider the intensity of the clashes between these two great rivals as well as McCaw’s ‘once more unto the breach’ leadership style?

Aah, but wait!…I would retort. The surprising bit is that he later admitted the injury was a result of ‘friendly fire’ and not at the hands of a marauding Bok forward as you might suspect!

Big wank! You may jest. That happens all the time, just ask Quade Cooper who’s been sidelined after Kurtlocker Beale kneecapped him in the showers for stealing his brylcreem.

Touché, but in this case it was McCaw who punched himself in the face just to show how little he respected the Bok attack on Saturday. Just plain arrogant.

Richie McCaw….punch drunk on the taste of victory.

Kiwis are champs, but…

Fair enough.  The All Blacks ended the debate and speculation as to whether or not any other nations are in the same league as them at the moment.   The Kiwis are best the side on the planet by quite a long way.  Worthy champs and all that.  But that doesn’t change the fact that that one “supporter” in the stands at Soccer City still deserves a full size naartjie delivered at high speed to the back of the head.  You know who I am talking about.

Battered Wallabies now facing outbreak of zombie virus in camp

As if the clubbing at the hands of the Springboks wasn’t enough, the Australian rugby team now faces additional medical challenges in the run up to the final test against the Pumas this weekend.

Shortly after the final whistle against South Africa the Wallabies injury list read as follows:

  • Berrick Barnes – punctured lung
  • Adam Ashley Cooper – concussion
  • Digby Ioane – injured knee
  • Tatafu Polota-Nau – shoulder
  • Quade Cooper – left in Oz with “a broken heart”
  • Radike Samo – shoulder (again)
  • Nick Phipps – bruised ego

Sources from within the camp are now reporting instances of an outbreak of the zombie “rage” virus.  Word is that having a touch of the zombie virus hasn’t affected Kurtley Beale’s hair though.

Wallabies were less than stellar in training this week.

Any takers on the Pumas pulling a “Shane” this weekend?


All Black fly-half abducted by extra terrestrials in Buenos Aires

The All Blacks’ tail-between-legs thrashing of the Pumas this weekend may not have come as a big surprise to many, but revelations that replacement fly-half Aaron Cruden was abducted by extra-terrestrials during the match has raised a few eyebrows.

Despite there having been reports of other-worldly lights on the field towards the end of the match, many believed this to be a bizarre anomaly caused by the floodlights reflecting off Richie McCaw’s pearly-white teeth. Another explanation being offered is the possibility of refracted beams of sunshine, which have been known to occasionally shine out of Dan Carter’s arsehole.

However it was only following the completion of the match that a clearly shaken Cruden revealed that he’d been targeted by lasers in the lead-up to taking a conversion kick, and stranger still, that he’d been beamed aboard a UFO and probed about All Black tactical domination and the ritualistic meanings behind the Haka.

Cruden, who has no known history of substance misuse, also went on to claim  that Ma’a Nonu is in fact an extra terrestrial from a planetary system roughly located within the Andromeda spiral galaxy.

Ma’a Nonu. Could be from the Andromeda spiral galaxy.


Quade Cooper sidelined with ‘broken heart’

The outspoken Aussie fly-half is in the dog house once again with the Australian Rugby Union.

This time it’s for a series of stroppy teenager-like tweets voicing his disapproval of the Wallaby management, with his accusations ranging from the existential to the just plain ludicrous.

In one he claims that he is being ‘destroyed’ as a player and a person. In another he says he is not being allowed to play the type of rugby HE wants to play….Butt-naked rugby? Underwater rugby? Quality rugby?!….who knows!

Another tweet just gets downright weird with what appears to be a reference to the classic Alice Cooper track Poison:

I want to love you but I better not touch (#don’t touch?)
I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (#too much?)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

We can only assume these angst-ridden words are directed at his off-the-field bromance with Sonny-Bill Williams, with whom he has threatened to elope to rugby league  at the end of the season unless he is provided with the following:

  • his own changing-room with wall-to-wall mirrors
  • personalised number plates reading ‘QC69 4EVA’
  • a pet anaconda

Quade and Sonny-Bill in better times…Sonny never quite got the basic principles of rock,scissors, paper.

Things you didn’t know about Nick Mallett: Purple Rain

In honour of Nick Mallett’s glorious performances as a studio guest for Supersport this test season, we’ve decided to run a few articles letting our readers know some obscure things about South Africa’s golden manchild.  We begin with his under appreciated role in shaping American pop music.

In 1983 Nick was languishing in obscurity after a less than stellar season as a loose-forward with Western Province.  Having taken a break from rugby, he was working on a concept album that he described to friends at the time as “a new kind of sound – the sound of electric postmodern lightning”.   Most studios were not ready for Mallett’s revolutionary sound and he did not find a willing audience or lucrative record deal.  A trip to the United States in late 1983 changed all that.

Maybe I’m just too demanding? Why do we scream at each other?

After finding himself watching a game of street basketball in Minnesota and as is customary whenever Nick Mallett is in the vicinity of a sports contest, he was unable to stop himself from screaming obscenities at the participants. Nick accused the basketball of lacking heart and not trying hard enough.  Unknown to him, he had interrupted a game involving musicians from the Revolution, Prince’s support group at the time.  Few would know it at the time but this chance encounter between Nick Mallett and the Revolution would change American musical history.  They were able to resolve their differences when Nick Mallett showed the Revolution the correct way to pump fake and alley-oop and all involved soon formed a bond that would lead to musical partnership.

Within days Prince had joined the team and together with Nick Mallett they collaborated on early recordings of what would later become Prince’s seminal album Purple Rain.

For those collectors lucky enough to have the original vinyl 1984 print, Nick Mallett has partial writing credits for a number of songs including “Let’s Go Crazy“.  Arguably his most famous contribution to the Purple Rain album is his line:

“This is what feels like when doves cry”.

When Nick isn’t found at primary schools yelling at under 10 age group rugby kids playing rugby who happen to be unrelated to him, he can be found in Supersport adding insight, pathos and tragedy to South African rugby broadcasts.

Dean Greyling: please wee off

Dean Greyling, let me count the ways you hurt me.

  • 4 penalties in less than 20 minutes including one that robbed us of a bonus point
  • knocked the ball on with the try line in site
  • missed tackles
  • thuggish and cowardly flying forearm hit earning yourself a yellow card and the Boks the bad reputation of being sore and dirty losers.

Please.  I never asked for you to be picked for the Boks ever.  I despise your silly facial hair and your attempt to look tough.  You made me explore moral nihilism in my darkest moments today.   You should be locked in a room with only Nick Mallett and a blunt spoon.  You should also never, never play for the Springboks ever again .

Also according to Wikipedia your first name is MacGuyver and you were born in 1986.  So… please wee off.

Joshua Strauss and the Steak Machines – Concert Footage

As part of the Lions’ deal to release Joshua Strauss to play for the Glasgow Warriors some of his rare concert footage has finally been made available to fans of his stripped down electro-folk sound and his ability to clear out a ruck.

Big Daddy Rugby has been lucky enough to get a hold of him doing a solo version of his standout track “Flightless Bird”. Joshua Strauss fans, feast your eyes and ears on this!


Due to some difficulties with his record label his Steak Machines debut album is not currently available on iTunes or at most Musicas. But you can get your Joshua Strauss by looping the above video.