Super 15 2013 regular season review: BDR’s list of hits, misses and #fails

  • Best “night on the town” incident:

Kurtley Beale and Cooper Vuna displayed the famous Australian trait of being able to hold their drink well and managed to get themselves sent home from the Rebels tour of South Africa for boozing it up and getting into a fight with their own team mates.  Double tip of the hat to Kurtley for punching not one but two of his own team mates during his night on the tiles.   Of course, luckily for Beale he was able to redeem himself when given a match deciding penalty after the hooter during the first British Lions test… oh wait a second.

  • Most epic win:

The Southern Kings first match of the season 22-10 win over the Force.  In 80 minutes, they did more than the Lions do in most seasons and gave a massive middle finger to the rest of the country.  Even the most cold-hearted cynic had to get a little misty eyed at that one.  Big respect. Continue Reading

Cooking with Coenie

As part of the upcoming international season in the Southern Hemisphere, we’ll be doing a bit of a lifestyle segment on some international players.  We thought we’d start off by showing the softer side of one of the Bok squad front rowers.  We caught up with Coenie Oosthuizen and he introduced us to some of his lesser acknowledged culinary skills.

Whenever Coenie hosts visitors at his pad he is famous for serving his legendary “wors and wine” dish.  He has let us share the recipe with readers of this website.

  • Get 4 kilograms of karoo boerewors (barbecue sausage).
  • Microwave on “high” for 20 minutes (or until ecoli risk is removed)
  • Serve on paper plates with a knife and fork (this reduces dishwashing time later).
  • Get a 5 litre cardboard boxed wine from Shoprite-Checkers to serve with the wors.

Mmmm!

Coenie has been watching both Masterchef and Top Chef in anticipation of the end of season tour. He is going to dazzle those Northerners with his kitchen skills!

The South African rugby disease

Former Wallaby coach Rod Macqueen once famously described South African rugby players to Harry Viljoen as “big, powerful and fucking stupid”. To that I’d like to add “dumber than a pile a bricks”.

If you ever wanted to know the disease that ails SA rugby it was on display this weekend at the Moscow 7’s.

After smashing their way through the first round with a display of rugby that got SA journalists all hot and bothered, i.e. not only winning all their first round games but also not dropping a single point against Scotland, Japan and the Bergvliet Primary School girls under 11 team they then promptly exited in the first round of knockouts against Fiji.

A choke?

No.

Just the typical stupidity of a Bok player in a big game. The final score was 12-10. The decisive moment was an idiotic kick downfield into p
the arms of a giant Fijian winger who promptly smashed his way to the try line like the Incredible Hulk knocking over a bunch of Fisher-Price toys placed in his path.

SA had all the talent and all the speed. But unfortunately I think SA rugby players are coached to believe that kicking “wins ground”.

Clearly no one has ever done a video analysis of an SA game and shown a squad that 9 out of 10 times you end up worse off when you kick. It’s a high risk low pay off move.

Stupid $&@%s.

What do we do with Israel?!

Don’t worry…we haven’t gone all political on your ass at Big Daddy Rugby.

This is not some diatribe about the Jewish-majority state but rather the question the Lions will be asking themselves about the Aussie back who weaved his way through their defence in last week’s first test.

As we know the Lions won that match…but only literally by the thin plastic membrane of their gumguards. If only Kurtley Beale had had a few drinks at half-time to steady his legs, it may have been a completely different story.

638665-israel-folau

 

That familiar sinking Springbok feeling: 2013 edition

It’s early days, but I’ve got Springbok deja vu all over again.  That feeling in the pit of your stomach that despite all of this amazing talent available to the Bok rugby team, somehow between the coaching staff and the administrators they’ve managed to screw it up – again.

You know that one where you watch the Junior World Championships and you get all excited thinking about that talent that is available to future Bok squads?   You start selecting your “dream team” Springbok squad in April and start to picture a Bok team putting 50 on New Zealand.  You see Heinrich Brussouw in all the glorious splendor that is his natural wonder and you think to yourself… “Yes… this can happen”.

There’s a flash of inspiration from some newcomer to the scene.  A young Francois Steyn or Pat Lambie.  A new looseforward capable of scrounging possession away from Richie McCaw in a Super 15 game and also capable of smuggling an entire array of donuts and cigarettes from Pollsmoor Prison.   A backline player so fast, with a step so vicious….  Maybe it is the complete flyhalf. Continue Reading

Lions take first bite in Oz….literally

The British and Irish Lions tour in Australia has started on high with a mauling of the Western Force in Perth on Wednesday.

Acting captain Brian O’Driscoll led from the front by scoring two of the tries, having linked-up well with fellow centre Manu ‘Ferry-jumper’ Tuilagi.

The Lions looked hungry throughout the course of the match, and in particular Irish prop Cian Healy who in the 17th minute couldn’t hold-out for half-time snacks any longer by taking a bite of scrum-half Brett Sheeran’s arm.

Having only served to whet his appetite, he eventually had to fake an injury in order to get something more substantial and less hairy off the field of play.

Apparently head Lion’s coach Warren Gatland is now rethinking his strategy of starving his players for 2 days pior to each match.

Would sir care for brown or red sauce with his arm?

Would sir care for brown or red sauce with his arm?

Gupta scandal rocks SA rugby

Frank the Tank” Gupta plays loosehead prop at Gupta family rugby games.

 

In further developments in the “Gupta-gate” scandal, our sources tell us that the Guptas’ tentacles extended into rugby administration. Even the Bok has succumbed to the charms of president Zuma’s sugar daddy family.

By virtue of their “close relationship” with president Zuma, the Guptas were provided with the following “special favours”, courtesy of South African rugby administrators:

– A few Guptas were given a guided tour of the SARFU offices in Cape Town where they were presented with an autographed poster signed by Coenie Oosthuizen himself.

– A pair of Jannie Du Plessis’ shorts that he wore against the All Blacks

– Actual replica tshirt of the Cheetahs 2012 Super 15 jersey

– An impromptu “ball skills” demonstration on how to be an effective fly-half by Brok Harris.

Is nothing sacred anymore?

Cartoon by Zapiro

Kurtley Beale: Make mine a double

Raise your arms in the air like you just don't care y'all!

Raise your arms in the air like you just don’t care y’all!

Troubled Wallabies and Rebels player Kurtley ‘Crumb-catcher’ Beale has decided to take some much needed time out from rugby for personal reasons.

It is likely he will miss the upcoming Lions’ Tour to Australia in order to spend more quality time with close friends and family, namely Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Tia Maria.

Kurtley's half-time rider request started to raise a few eyebrows among the Rebels' back room staff

Kurtley’s half-time rider request started to raise a few eyebrows among the Rebels’ back room staff

America delivers a big wedgie to the Springbok reputation

Ahhh.  Somewhere in the States today, there sat a fellow in a faded green and gold jersey (circa 1995 or 2007?), slowly sipping on his Sierra Nevada, with the sudden realization that the Blitzbokke were about to lose twice in the same weekend to Team USA.    Clutching that beer very tightly, he eyed the exit of the local pub wondering if it would be possible to slip out before anyone noticed his Bok jersey.

First of all a 19-12 “sharp punch to the nose with the clenched fist” in the final round robin game of the London Sevens to announce to the world that nobody can take an Eagles sevens team lightly anymore (editors note: I saw many a post this weekend remarking that the Blitzbokke “need only beat the Eagles” to win their group).  Then the Eagles follow it up on Sunday with a “kneel on your chest and repeatedly slap you in the face whilst delivering a wedgie” 22-5 dismissal in the plate semi-final to deliver the one of the great David and Goliath feel-good victories.

Continue Reading

Hell hath no fury like a rolling maul

If you’ve watched any amount of Super Rugby this year, you’ll know that the rolling maul is the hot-topic of the moment. And more specifically, just how the hell is a team meant to defend against it?

In particular it has been the South African conference teams that have used it to such deadly effect and who seem to be forming them more frequently than they can churn out new Fast & Furious films.

For this very reason Big Daddy Rugby has consulted some of the worlds most highly respected and completely fictitious military experts to come up with 5 ways to stop the dreaded rolling maul.

We can do nothing about Vin Diesel films though. Sorry.

1. Scorched Earth Policy

When it comes to wreaking havoc and general destruction, a crazy cat by the name of Stalin had a few tricks (and most likely a poison-tipped dagger) up his sleeve. As a tactic used by the Russians on the German army during WW2 and the US in Vietnam, the idea is to destroy the turf to such an extent that the rolling maul won’t function effectively.

Downside: Not suitable for home matches, i.e. don’t shit where you eat.

"Charlie don't form rolling mauls!"

“Charlie don’t form rolling mauls!”

2. Propaganda campaign

Not to be outdone by a crazy Russian, the Germans used this slightly more subtle form of military strategy to instil fear and doubt among their enemies. The defending team could make use of an online social media campaign to belittle the image of the rolling maul, utilising slogans such as ‘Rolling mauls cause cancer’ or ‘Rugby is for Girls‘ – or even a video viral showing rolling mauls being formed by fans at a Justin Bieber concert.

Downside: Getting Bieber’s agent to agree to this could take some time.

It's not subtle or politically correct...but it will work.

It’s not subtle or politically correct…but it will work.

3. Horns of the bull

Cunning military strategy invented by Shaka Zulu. He’s that guy who made his troops run on thorns just because he could. The rolling maul is initially hit head-on, with supporting players flanking both sides (the horns) and then employing short stabbing movements with sharp instruments to inflict injuries on the unsuspecting attacking forwards.

Downside: Not only are Saffa players familiar with it, but it can lead to at least half the team being sin-binned.

Even the most dim-witted of tight-heads will understand this one.

Even the most dim-witted of tight-heads will understand this one.

4. Divide and conquer

If it worked for the Romans, it can work for you. Simple yet effective technique in which you turn your opponents against each other, leaving them weak and vulnerable. All the defending team needs to do is make the tight-heads believe their doing all the hard work while the loose-head trio are getting all the girls and glory and BAM…the rolling maul collapses like a deck of cards.

Downside: Hard to convince tight-heads of anything unless it’s done with simplified drawings and pictures.

We come in peace.....hee hee!

We come in peace…..hee hee!

5. Trench warfare technique

This one involves a bit of planning, but with some bulldozers, a bit of barbed wire and a full-back with a Gatling Gun – that rolling maul isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Downside: In addition to logistical issues, can lead to stalemate and a sudden urge for players to breakout into a jovial football match while singing Paul McCartney’s ‘Pipes of Peace’

Gatling Gun....all good full-backs should have one.

Gatling Gun….all good full-backs should have one.

The Heinrich Manoeuvre

Cheetahs and Springbok forward Heinrich Brussow is to have his name added to a lexicon of terms and as means of describing the act of dispossessing the opposing team of the ball contrary to the run of play.

Otherwise to be known as the Heinrich Manoeuvre.

The decision has been made due to the freakishly large amount of times Brussow is responsible for turnover ball at the ruck and his God-like ability to appear in many places at once.

Heinrich Brussow

All hail Heinrich…for he is a plentiful and generous giver of turnover ball.

Habana charge-down

When was the last time you saw a conversion charged-down?!

Most likely the 20th, possibly even 19th century…when a rugby ball was basically an animal’s lower intestine filled with porridge, which then conveniently doubled-up as a post-match haggis.

That’s unless you happened to catch the Hurricanes vs Stormers match yesterday in which Habana chased-down a 40th minute conversion, like a hungry beast released from a cage and eager for his half-time slice of orange.

Habana has come in for a lot of stick here on Big Daddy Rugby…but there’ll be a lot more carrot dangling (and NO, that’s not a euphemism!) if he continues show moments of genius like this…

[youtube=http://youtu.be/e8GplTzIPao]

 

 

Waratahs’ hooker Polota-Nau releases his electro-pop EP on Soundcloud

TATAFU POLOTA-NAU

TATAFU POLOTA-NAU (Photo credit: paddynapper)

NSW front rower Polota-Nau has released his new single “Nightcall” under the stage name of “Kavinsky”.  Rolling Stone magazine has hailed it as a tour de force of new wave electro-pop and our first listen gives it an enthusiastic double thumbs up.  Apparently most of the album was written during the Waratah’s tour of South Africa and in particular this track, Nightcall, was penned after a grueling scrumming session followed by ten laps around the field and a set of crunchies.

The track is available for a listen here:

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/playlists/1137057″ params=”” width=” 100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

Cheetah’s hooker defies modern science

Springbok and Cheetah’s hooker Adriaan Strauss continues to defy the laws of physics by consistently running faster than should be possible for a man of his weight and girth.

His bursts of pace show particular disregard for Newton’s 2nd Law of Motion, namely:

The acceleration of a body…is inversely proportional to the mass m of the body.

Or in layman’s terms:

A fat blonde guy should not be able to move much faster than the rate of continental drift.

Despite this, week in and week out, opponents of the Cheetah’s are left scratching their heads as Strauss whizzes past them in a blonde streak of lightning.

Adriaan Strauss sets a new land speed record.

Adriaan Strauss sets a new land speed record.

 

 

Stormers fans to pretend they’re “not that into rugby” this week

What part of Christchurch are you from, son?

What part of Christchurch are you from, son?

After talking a good game in the office last week, Stormers fans will be pretending they’re “not that into” Super Rugby this week as they return to face their coworkers. It’s a time honored tradition in the Cape. All of a sudden there are lot more important things in life than rugby.

When faced with one of those irritating “kiwi” supporters here are a few lines to help you get through the week at office.

  • Oh, did the Stormers lose? Oh… That must be nice for you, seeing as you follow rugby and all that. Yeah… I don’t really get to make time for rugby. Are the Crusaders a good team? Where are they from?
  • Is your family from the North Island or the South Island?
  • I don’t get to watch games as I spend every weekend volunteering at a soup kitchen for orphans. It’s important to get my priorities in life right.
  • What part of Christchurch are you from, son? [then mutter in a soft whisper…. “C@ck!” as your coworker walks away.]. Note: if this coworker is in any way connected to paying your salary you should definitely say “Nothing” if they suddenly spin around and ask you to repeat what you just said.

If you are in a position of authority you don’t need any witty one liners at work this week. Just remember to put an incriminating note in the offending employee’s permanent HR file.

Where are they now? (Part 4) – Robbie Fleck

Remember Robbie Fleck?!

Well neither did I…until I caught a glimpse of him high-fiving Stormers’ coach Alistair Coetzee during their win over the Brumbies this weekend.

From memory Fleck was a fairly decent, if not exciting, centre for the Boks back when grunge music was still popular. His slightly cocky rich-kid demeanour  always made me think he’d look more at home in an episode of Beverley Hills 90210, rather than chasing a ball around a rugby field with a bunch of plebs.

See what I mean…

Surf's up...plus daddy's shares in Indonesian palm-oil are looking good too! Awesome.

Surf’s up…plus daddy’s shares in Indonesian palm-oil are looking good too! Awesome.

You can imagine my surprise to find that Robbie has not gone on to be the MD of a trendy new media start-up company, and is in fact the assistant back-line coach for the Stormers. This is probably popular knowledge among most Super Rugby aficionados, but it came as a shock to me. I had higher hopes for young Robbie.

I can only assume it’s been a bit of a shock for him too, cos he’s gone completely grey. When did that happen?! Not that it’s a bad thing, I mean look at Richard Gere and that fellow Gandalf. They’ve done pretty well for themselves!

Good for you Flecky…no need to hide your true colours.

You may want to try a touch of sunblock from time to time though…

Robbie 'Salt 'n Peppa' Fleck

Robbie ‘Salt ‘n Peppa’ Fleck

 

 

 

Allister Coetzee has a message for Jake White

Seen in the Brumbies changing room after full time at Newlands on Saturday night….  Allister Coetzee confronting his former mentor Jake White:

Allister "I'm much stronger now" Coetzee

Allister “I’m much stronger now” Coetzee

Other comments heard from behind the scenes:

  • What part of Canberra are you from?
  • There are no rules!  It’s the Thunderdome baby!
  • “We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got, cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not, we’ve got each other and that’s a lot for love” (quoting the Bon Jovi albums they used to listen to during Rugby World Cup 2007)
  • “But quite frankly Jake your attitude appalls me. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s all this stuff you’re not saying. Insinnuendos” (having just watched Sexy Beast yet again).

The Steve Walsh diaries – Pt 2: Respect my authoritah!!

Steve Walsh

‘He who controls himself, controls the game’….the tat says it all really.

21 March 2013

Dear diary,

I seem to be appearing in the press quite a bit recently. Normally I quite like that. Wait, who am I kidding…I friggin love it! But this time it’s my reffing and not my sexuality that’s being questioned, and I just won’t stand for that shit.

I’m probably the best flippin ref in the world today. At the very least it’s a tie with that Saffa with the weird name, but he’ll probably be tried for attempted murder or robbery by the end of the year leaving me top dog again.

It’s bloody ridiculous thinking I favoured the red team on Saturday. I don’t even know who they were. I didn’t penalise the guys in white any more than necessary. Except the scrum-half  Ben Youngs. His hair was just plain silly – he’s lucky I didn’t send him straight to the bin. I can’t stand people who don’t take care of themselves, it’s just bloody selfish if you ask me.

So it looks like I’m gonna have to defend myself against the IRB, whoever the hell they are! Maybe there’ll be some good looking girls on the panel.

That would be nice.

'What would Cartman do?' - the philosophy on which Walsh bases most of his reffing decisions.

‘What would Cartman do?’ – the philosophy on which Walsh bases most of his reffing decisions.

What the hell happened to the Cheetahs?

Huh? Two consecutive wins in Australasia on tour.  The Cheetahs?  When did they become a team that wins comfortably on tour?

I knew they were onto a good thing when they hired Tony Soprano to be their coach.  But even the most optimistic Cheetahs fan wouldn’t have predicted that they’d be destroying office betting pools everywhere by winning in New Zealand and Australia.  They even stand a decent chance of coming back from Australasia with a 75% win record.

They’ve got some electric backs in Raymond Rhule and Sarel Pretorius, the child of promise at flyhalf in Johan Goosen. Adriaan Strauss is in the form of his life at the moment, and any squad that has Heinrich Brussouw in it… say no more.

Things are looking up for the men from Bloemfontein.

Now the last thing they need to fix is those cheerleaders… and after this weekend’s performance there is a rumour doing the rounds on the interwebs that Heidi Klum has put in an application for the Cheetahs cheerleaders.  They’re almost a complete team now.

Tony Soprano

Naka Drotske discussing tactics over a glass of wine with the Cheetahs “Brains Trust” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Referee on the edge – The Steve Walsh diaries

12 March 2013

Not much on today, so watched replay of the England vs Ireland match from last weekend. Crikey it was cold that day, so cold you could see the steam coming off the bodies of the players. It looks great on the tele though, it’s like something you’d see in a movie. I think I should be in a movie.

I don’t like reffing in the cold, but my tan looked good. Especially when in the same shot as those pasty Irish. I wonder if people noticed that? If I could change one thing about my body it would be my fat ankles. Jimmy Cordax used to tease me about them in school. There’s a word for them isn’t there…is it cankles? Yes cankles, I must wikipedia that later. Maybe there’s a treatment for them.

After the match I decided to go to the gym. On the way I stopped in at the cafe with the pretty cashier to pick up a soya mochachino. I think that cashier likes me. I like me, so why wouldn’t she? I don’t go to Starbucks anymore. Not until they start paying those Costa Rican farmers a decent wage. Is it the Costa Ricans or Nicaraguans?! Who cares…all I know is I don’t like seeing the little guy getting trod on. Not on my watch!

While waiting for the coffee some chump decided to jump the queue. I sorted that shit out though. I never leave home without my whistle, so I blew him up for an intentional offside violation. Made him stand in the corner for 10 minutes while I chatted-up the cashier. We’ll see if he tries that little stunt again. Not likely.

Not on Walsh time.

Steve Walsh

Steve Walsh….he knows where you live. Not really.

Les Miserables

If you thought the big-screen version of Victor Hugo’s famous novel was the must-see tear jerker event of the year…think again!

A tragedy of a much grander scale is likely to unfold this weekend if Les Bleus fail to beat Ireland in their 6 Nations encounter, leaving them just one step closer to the infamous wooden spoon and the prospect of facing all-out revolution when they return to home soil.

With the singing at this weekend’s match expected to be of only a slightly poorer quality than in the film (with the exception of Russell Crowe…in which case it will be exponentially better), the dramatic tension is likely to be far greater with the French team knowing their necks are literally on the line. Guillotines are being sharpened around Paris at this very moment.

It will take something pretty exceptional for Les ‘Miserables’ Bleus to save themselves from certain death at the hands of an angry French mob – like winning for instance, and if not that, then at the very least trans-mutating into fire-breathing parrots and flying-off into the sunset squawking a version of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.

They do like a good show-tune those Frenchies!

On a cheerier note, in their match against Wales this weekend, the Scots will be looking to get their first hat-trick of victories since the dawn of time – or the inception of the 6 Nations tournament to be a bit more precise.

Just goes to show you can’t predict anything when it comes to sport.

I just wish the same could be said for Hollywood.

Welcome home Les Bleus.!

Welcome home Les Bleus.!

Things I forgot about Super Rugby during the off-season

With Round 2 of the 2013 Super 15 recently behind us, last weekend was when most of us got round to actually watching a game with a pint in hand. During the off-season, I forgot a few things that just one weekend of rugby brought back freshly to my mind. Here is my list:

  • just how little Pierre Spies does in a rugby game, besides doing his impersonation of the movie poster “This is Sparta!”
  • just how much I hate Hugh Bladen’s commentary
  • that watching the Stormers play is like getting into an Ingmar Bergman existentialist 4 hour movie
  • that Joel Stansky’s voice sounds like a camel being put through a woodchipper
  • In office pools, always bet on the home team unless the Crusaders or the Lions (ooo too soon?) are involved
  • Bryan Habana tends to go entire seasons without being able to catch a rugby ball
  • Wynand Olivier’s hair never ceases to amaze me
  • One can never overstate just how depressing and uninspiring the Cheetahs cheerleaders are
  • Who the hell is doing the Vodacom advertising and what are they smoking?!
  • My Nick Mallet man-crush (who else speaks truth to power?).
    2012 Super Rugby season

    2012 Super Rugby season (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

     

Blue Bulls release musical crime against nature: Stand by Me

In what critics are calling “a crime against nature” the Bulls have released a version of themselves singing “Stand by Me”.  See the video below:

After viewing this, I can only say…

What the fuck?

In an attempt to restore some musical dignity to South African rugby franchises, the Southern Kings have released their own music video in response.  Most fans prefer the Kings’ track by a large margin.

The beautiful game…

There was once a time (let’s call this period BC for reasons that will become clear later) when rugby players thought long hair was for girls. And possibly ponies, especially girl ponies.

Then this happened…

cabous

Yes…Cabous van der Westhuizen.

Remember him? Big Daddy Rugby does and publicised his current whereabouts here.

Looking like he’d just stepped out of a shower that was in fact a galactic wormhole that led straight to a Led Zeppelin roadie piss-up, Cabous burst onto the SA rugby scene in the early 90’s, making the ‘wet-look’ his trademark.

Before Cabous (otherwise known as BC), rugby players all looked pretty much the same…a bit like cauliflowers really.

Cabous made it okay for players to step out of the John Frieda closet and express themselves in ways other than grunting and eye-gouging. In a similar vein, some players took even greater strides, going on to experiment with two-tone colour highlights and new-wave perm techniques.

Remember Percy Montgomery? That’s him on the left…(or is it the right!?)

Percy Montgomery

In more recent years there’s been an attempt by some players to reclaim the uber-masculine image that rugby once had This can be seen by the number of beards on display in the modern game. Big Daddy highlighted 5 of the best in this post.

However, as with most things in life…the balance must be restored. For this very reason, the RBS 6 Nations is taking a break this weekend. Big sponsors realise that in the age of HD TV players need to look their best.

No one wants to see this kind of shit in HD…

Chris Jack

So the players are getting a much needed rest weekend. Time for that trip to the spa to treat those split-ends, thread-veins and whatever else is required in order to look this bloody good…

Bonjour ladies!

Bonjour ladies!

And finally, for our more high-brow readers out there, here’s one of the many, many portraits that has attempted to capture the pure, innocent beauty of French player Dimitri Szarzewski in all his glory…. Enjoy.

The full colour version of this portrait was banned for causing multiple orgasms to female viewers.

The full colour version of this portrait was banned for causing multiple orgasms to female viewers.

Brok Harris releases his Indie Folk album on YouTube

After a long season in the flyhalf channel for the Stormers, prop Brok Harris likes to spend his time looking for a "new sound".

After a long season in the flyhalf channel for the Stormers, prop Brok Harris likes to spend his time looking for a “new sound”.

You may know Brok Harris as the prop for the Stormers, the front rower reluctant to join rucks and mauls, preferring instead the limelight of the flyhalf channel, but you may not be aware that post-season he moonlights as indie folk rocker.

Our sources in the Stormers locker room tipped us off that Brok has been releasing a few indie folk singles on YouTube under the moniker “Bon Iver”.  The editorial team at Big Daddy Rugby just had to take a sneak peek and we have to stay we’re impressed!

With talent like this, no wonder Brok refuses to get involved at ruck time.  He could injure those magnificent musical hands of his.

Take a listen for yourself to what Brok has been up to:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KrmxavLIRM&w=560&h=315]

Revenge is a dish best served cold…and washed down with Guinness

Everybody knows the Irish like nothing more than beating the English, which is exactly what they’ll be hoping to do this Sunday.

It doesn’t matter how, when, at what, or with what….as long as a pasty English backside is at the receiving end of a good old whipping –  Irish eyes will be smiling.

The only thing is…their a bit rubbish at it.

Ireland have only won 46 of the 126 rugby matches played against the poms. Fact.

Though that really isn’t all that bad when you consider the following:

  • England has roughly 2.5 million registered rugby players. Ireland has 150,000 (2011 figures)
  • The least a top-flight English professional player can expect to make in a year is 152,000 Euros. In Ireland its 85,000.
  • Ireland is ranked 4th in the world rankings for most beer consumed per person (104 litres pp per year – 2010)

Okay…I know that last one is not all that relevant, but you’ve got to wonder where they get the time to do anything other than imbibing the black stuff.

But all of this is besides the point.

If the Irish were to beat the English all the time, then the odd victory here and there wouldn’t have quite the same drama, the same David vs Goliath tension.

AND…there just wouldn’t be that same great feeling you get when Daniel-san ‘crane kicks’ the shit out of Johnny at the end of Karate Kid!

Karate Kid

Daniel-san doing that kick.

S15 preview: Get ready for the Southern Kings screwjob

Southern Kings

Southern Kings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Southern Kings unfortunately decided to switch their logo at their last minute before the 2013 season kicked off.  The more fitting image of a baby seal being clubbed to death was replaced with something resembling 4 Bic pens randomly sprouting towards the sky.

2013 is not going to pretty for this franchise.  You’ve got to feel for them.  Consider how the  South African rugby administration has set them up to fail.

  • SARU dicking around for most 2011 and 2012 and not making it clear which teams would be participating (how do you recruit when you don’t know which teams will be in or out?)
  • The Lions refusing to loan any players to the Kings, despite the fact that they were offered to all the other South African franchises.
  • Only giving the Kings one season to stay afloat in the S15 (who wants to sign for a team that will finish last and be relegated?)
  • SARU refusing to relax the foreign quota limit for the Kings in light of the above (it was waived for the Melbourne Rebels by the ARU).  Would have been great to see a few more Kenyans in this squad.

Yip, it’s pretty much a certainty they are going to be on the receiving end of some massive hidings.  Away from home, you’d be brave to bet against them conceding 100 points somewhere along the way.  The really irritating thing here, is that would have been great to see a good side playing out of P.E.

Players to watch this season: Luke Watson and … um… I am pretty sure there are one or two other decent players, aren’t there?

If they had a theme song by Leonard Cohen it would be: “Never Any Good”.

Prospects for 2013: Nuclear holocaust.

Thierry Dusautoir….the man who was raised by bears

Not many people know this about the former French captain Thierry Dusautoir, but he was raised by bears.

This hasn’t stopped him from becoming one of the greatest flankers the game has ever seen, but it has meant a challenging journey of self-discovery in which he has had to forego his previous life to adopt the confined existence of human society.

In the early stages of his rugby career, Dusautoir refused to wear clothes and instead of releasing after the tackle, he would rip all his opponents limbs off and then proceed to eat their liver. At times washed down with a nice Chianti. His interpretation of a maul was also at times…suspect.

As you can imagine, he spent more time in the sin-bin than on the playing field, but with support from his bear family (in particular his Uncle Joe – see pic below) and the encouragement of his trainer  – he overcame his primal urges to produce some truly great rugby and become IRB Player of the Year in 2011.

Now back from injury, he returns to the team in today’s 6 Nations clash against Italy, in which France will be hoping to avoid a repeat of their shock defeat two years ago – and you can bet Dusautoir will be pawing the ground in anticipation.

Thierry with Uncle Joe, who will be growling from the sidelines.

Thierry with Uncle Joe, who will be growling from the sidelines.