Just when you think Peter de Villiers can’t possibly go any lower, say anything dumber, or do anything more disgraceful than losing to a cream puff Wallaby side, he goes and …. totally redeems himself!
After last week’s embarrassment, I was ready to hand my chips in and say no more to PdV. But then when he was confronted by journalists this week about why he hadn’t picked his best squad to tour, he managed to pull out this sparkling gem;
“What do you mean by best players? The guys here at the moment, they performed in South Africa, in Super 15. There’s a few guys who didn’t make it that were also the best in Super 15. So best is a relative thing. Experience, then I’ll play Naas Botha too because he’s helluva experienced. “
The Nasty Booter - he's "helluva experienced".
He’s back baby! That touch of comic genius, the timing, the turn of phrase. It’s what we’ve all been missing in our Bok coach all season. He was admittedly an underdog to coach the Boks when his name was first thrown in the hat to be a contender. But those who underrated him, clearly had never seen his now legendary Woodstock stand up comedy act. Peter de Villiers was well-known in those parts for his edgy material often combining material about the Arab-Israeli conflict with biting social commentary in a frequently incendiary comic performance. Those who were fortunate enough to see his early material from the Woodstock comedy clubs never question his ability to be Bok coach. They even go so far to say Richard Prior stole most of his act from Peter de Villiers.
Well as long as he can continue to produce the comedic gems – he’ll continue to command a following amongst parts of the nation’s fan base. After all – it sure doesn’t look like this team is being technically coached.
And for the movie fans out there – here’s a reenactment of PdV redeeming himself on the Bok tour to Australasia, courtesy of the Farrelly brothers:
‘Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!”
~ Dumb and Dumber
Aagh, sies man Flip!
Let’s not beat around the bush here shall we, Saturdays’ game was a complete and utter cock up on our behalf.
The boys were all totally gutted afterwards and the locker room was a pretty somber place to be, at least that was the case until Flip let rip with the biggest fart that I have ever heard in my life! It wasn’t intentional, I think it had something to do with all those supplements they make us take in the build up to a big game.
Anyways, whatever the cause was it certainly lightened the mood and soon everyone was laughing and joking around again. Even Coach Div and Dick got into the spirit of things by seeing who could make the best fart sounds with their mouths. They had us all in stitches we were laughing so hard! If there’s one thing that this coaching team has taught us it’s to not let a Test Match loss stop us from having a good time.
The post match function that night was held at a really fancy hotel overlooking the Sydney Harbour. I’ve known some of the Aussie boys for awhile now so I had a pretty good idea of how much booze would be available and thus prepared myself before hand by eating a loaf of bread.
Poor old Hargreaves wasn’t as smart as me and had a rather unfortunate “accident” in the gents, which actually I probably shouldn’t even be mentioning here. (Don’t worry Ally, I’m sure that stain will come right out).
It had been a long week and alot of the younger players were exhausted and so opted for bed straight after dinner. Those of us who still had a little energy left headed straight up to Wynand and Danies’ room for the traditional “Boks on tour” game of SingStar.
You might not believe it but Danie is pretty much untouchable when it comes to the game and has been the reigning Bok champ since SingStar “Take That” was released back in 2009. Although he’ll never admit to it his rendition of “Back for good” once brought Bakkies to tears. Yes, he’s that good.
Well readers, I think that’s about it from me for now. All is well here in Wellington, if you discount the fact that we’re playing the All Blacks in a few days time. I’m sooo not looking forward to this one.
Until next time!
There was some insane drooling coming from the Supersport presentators on Saturday which I suspect was trying to pass itself off as post match commentary. The gist was that post the Wallaby test we need to take it easy on this Bok team since they aren’t the first choice. Oh no, we disagree here at BDR. That, my friends, is BS. I refuse to take it easy on them as though they somehow aren’t a professional rugby team representing their country. This team wore the green and gold on Saturday, and for the rubbish they dished up they deserve to dragged out of their hotels and forced to watch 18 hours straight of Darren Scott and Arnie Geerdts, in high definition, on zoom mode.
First off, well done to the Wallabies for bouncing back after a difficult week. They were clearly the better team. Now onto the main course, let’s take the C team apart.
Wynand Olivier signing autographs for Bok fans before the match on Saturday - Image via Wikipedia
Morne Steyn – Shocker of a performance. He showed he is only good for two things, banging kicks over from anywhere and escorting opposition flyhalf and centres into the Springbok in goal area. The amount of room he gave to anything wearing yellow was frightening. This guy could get a job of JFK international directing planes into their gates, because it is not as if he does any tackling.
Keeley Hazell Olivier – please, please, please. No more. No more wavy blonde hair in the back line “taking it up on the crash ball” when there are three unmarked players on the outside. He was second only to Morne in simply watching Ozzie runners drift past him. I could have sworn I heard him shout “Go Quade – you good thing!” as Quade ran past him.
- Both props. A Bok prop should never be pushed around by anything in a canary yellow jersey. Ever.
- Deon Stegman – Just stop. He doesn’t deserve a Bok jersey.
- the rest of the loose forwards were non-existent. There was absolutely no mongrel whatsoever, it’s as though they spent teh week watching political documentaries about passive resistance Gandhi-style and decided that the best way to stop Australia would be to simply allow canary yellow jumpers to trample all over them. The defence around the rucks was putrid. I’ve seen better cover tackling at a My Little Pony tea party. Was that a hooker ghosting through tackles near a ruck? A hooker for Pete’s sake!
Those who actually took some pride in their performance:
- Lambo – hell, when he was on the backline even resembled a group of players who vaguely knew each other he actually forced some tackles out of the Australians.
- Ruan Pienaar – Did the most that could be asked of him given that the forwards did not bother to show up.
- Mvovo – looked for work and was threatening when given opportunities.
Can they bounce back? There’s the little matter of playing New Zealand in New Zealand next week. So no. That horrible feeling in the pit of the stomach that started last week has now blown to all out nausea. Or put another way, the distaste I know feel has grown from ‘I shouldn’t have had that second Big Mac’ level to full blown “morning after the bachelor’s party and I’ve just realised my wallet and car keys are missing” disgust with myself.
Any talk of defending this performance by saying how inexperienced certain players are merely demeans the Springbok jersey. It would be one thing if they lost and showed a lot of heart. These guys lost while showing a level of commitment you’d expect from Charlie Sheen. They let the country down.
You bastards. Take off your Bok jerseys and play in something else next week. You okes are a disgrace.
You might have come here expecting some sort of serious prematch analysis given that Saturday is the first test match of the season. You should have known better. It’s just way too hard for me to get up for this one. Maybe it is the fact that the supposed number 2 team in the world just got spanked by a tiny island nation, maybe it is the fact that the Boks sent their “C” team over, but I’m not feeling it.
It’s been said that guys like David Duchovny in Californication suffer from some sort of compulsive obsessive desire to chase the next high. They engage in reckless sexual behaviour compulsively and without enjoyment – yet they can’t stop. Test match rugby is starting to take on that twist for me. I know I shouldn’t take another hit. I know those junk dealers up at SANZAR are just lining their filthy pockets with my addiction, but still, I can’t help myself – I’ll be up and at ’em in front of the flat screen come kick off time, shoving biltong in my mouth and trying to avoid direct eye contact with Darren Scott just like I used to when I was a kid – just desperate for that next fix of how rugby used to make me feel.
Perhaps I should just grow up and accept that too much test rugby inevitably means that individual encounters lose that special aura they used to have. Maybe that’s a notch you put in the shattered dreams bucket of “growing older” along with:
- finding out that pro-wrestling is rigged
- you’re not talented or driven enough to be the lead guitarist of the next big rock thing
- that MacGyver guy is really just a phoney
- finding out that work sucks – you’re not going to be carried in the arms of cheerleaders for a living
- that moment when it dawns on you that Winnie Cooper doesn’t end up with Kevin Arnold
- Hansie Cronje
But still we soldier on anyway, forking out our cash for SANZAR, still telling ourselves this test match will be different. I feel dirty already…
You guys broke our hearts
Greetings all from a cold and wet Sydney!
It’s a great feeling to be part of the Bok set up again and the boys are all really excited about Saturdays game. Although there’s a number of new faces in the squad everyone is getting on just fine, with tempers flaring only when a decision had to be made about who would share a room with Ashley. He’s a nice enough guy and all, but there’s something very upsetting about his hair. Plus, he doesn’t shut up about it either!
It’s a pity Kirchner’s not on tour as he could have made himself useful for once by bunking up with him and taking one for the team. Oh well…
We had a great practice session yesterday with a lot of intensity on display. Us forwards finished up a little earlier but I stayed on behind to watch the backs go through some of their training drills.
Dick really is an amazing backline coach. He’s come up with this crazy, fresh new move where the guys run forward in a straight line whilst passing the ball. It was pretty amazing to watch and there were a lot of high fives when they eventually pulled it off. Needless to say we were all on a massive high after that!
Everyone knows that one of the key elements of a successful tour is for the players to bond together as a group, so after dinner we usually have a team building excercise. Last night Gary suggested that we watch “Braveheart” in the hope that seeing each other weep would bind us together like nothing else. A couple of the guys weren’t so keen and suggested the Bruce Willis film “Armageddon” instead, but John refused as it was the film the team watched just before the World Cup final, and he likes to save it for “special occasions”.
Well, I think I better leave it at that for the moment. I’ve just heard that Wynand and Danie are having a game of Twister up in their room. Those guys rock!
Until next week!
The South African Rugby Union is contractually obliged to send its *cough* strongest team to New Zealand and Australia for the away leg of the Tri-Nations. Of course, only a lunatic would risk playing valuable assets like Schalk Burger and Fourie du Preez with the World Cup a matter of weeks away. So what to do to get out this pickle?
You wily fox you.
PdV’s solution? A creative injury list that would do the folks at Enron and Goldman Sachs proud. Here’s the list of players who are on the *cough* injury list and their respective reasons for non-availability:
- Duane Vermeulen – Knee injury
- Schalk Burger – Just received a complete box set of the Wire on DVD and needs time to “get into it”.
- Victor Matfield – new hairdo needs time to settle before it can be seen in public
- Frans Steyn – existential crisis
- Jacque Fourie – recovering from a bad breakup and not feeling “up” to seeing people
- Jean de Villiers – cramp (is there any other reason?)
- Juan Smith – shoulder is a “bit sore” of playing cricket in the nets
- Willem Alberts – depressed
- Bismarck du Plessis – working on his book deal with Jannie in attempt to steal his brother’s limelight
- Andries Bekker – pants were too short during last game, hurting “a bit”
- Jannie du Plessis – answering Agony Aunt letters
- Francois Louw – had a night out on the tiles, feeling a bit “poorly”
- Gurthro Steenkamp – can’t miss season finale of Dexter
- Francois Hougaard – needs to look for new pink boots in Benoni
- Butch James – Mom expects him to come over for a braai on the day of the first test
- JP Pieterson – Not in a “good place” mentally
- Tendai ‘The Beast” Mtawarira – Still queueing at the Department of Home Affairs
- Bryan Habana – still feeling a bit hurt after he copped abuse during ‘open question’ time at Sweet Valley Primary School’s “Meet the Boks” day
- Bakkies Botha – celebrating his five year anniversary with Victor Matfield with a bottle of bubbly and the first season of “Frasier”
Hats off to Pieter de Villiers for managing the injury list creatively, while still managing to fulfil the letter of the law. You wily fox you, Pieter, you’ve got a career at Goldman Sachs just waiting for you. Just make sure you don’t put any money on the Boks this Tri-Nations.
Supersport revealed a) a dirty secret about this year’s TriNations and b) its complete lack of understanding of social media on Friday when it sacked Tank Lanning for an “inappropriate tweet”. The horrific tweet at the centre of the controversy?
“SA Rugby to ‘manage’ the Springboks during the Tri-Nations. I think it’s a good thing”
Supersport encourage their commentators and analysts to get on Twitter and Facebook to increase their presence online. They are hired to have opinions. Tank tweeted an opinion that slightly treads on the toes of SA Rugby – and got the old Andre Venter “stiff arm to face” treatment.
It’s the equivalent of hiring a radio DJ to be “edgy” on the morning drive show and then sacking him when he makes an offensive comment on air. Moronic. Is it any wonder that we all wait until 1 minute before kick off before we tune into the Supersport broadcast? The Supersport on-air build up is complete drivel, lacks any insight, and usually consists of a discussion of “who wants it more”. Planet Earth to Supersport: “We’d like some interesting insights and banter please, that’s why we all prefer the Aussie commentary”.
It also shows just how in bed Supersport are with SA Rugby. The message is clear for all presenters and journalists who want to be given access to SA rugby players and coaches. Write positive articles and you’ll be given access. Write a negative review of someone high up in SA Rugby and you’ll be discarded as quickly as Earl Rose at an Oranje rugby pre-season team trial.
Supersport forget that their core fans and spenders are those in the 18-40 age group who have largely embraced social media and “get it”, unlike the old farts sitting up at DSTV headquarters.
The dirty secret Supersport revealed? The real story that Tank was getting at is that a number of key Boks will be “rested” during the 2011 Tri-Nations campaign. Hope you’re not planning on forking out buckets of cash to watch the Bulls B team wearing Springbok jerseys in this year’s Tri-Nations. You heard it here first.