Is John Smit the new villain of SA Rugby?

A few years ago there was an episode of South Park that featured Mickey Mouse as a brutal dictator of the Disney empire.  While Mickey presented a smiling, cuddly personality to the public, behind the scenes he ruled with an iron fist, crushing all dissent.  During the Currie Cup final when the camera panned to a chuckling John Smit in the stands, I couldn’t help but wonder if Barney is the new evil Mickey Mouse of South African rugby?

Could the formerly innocent Sharks prop now be a ruthless Gaddaffi?  Hardened and embittered by years of clinging to power as the Springbok captain, after years of exile in the North, he returns to SA rugby and orchestrates a coup in the Sharks Rugby Union?  His return ushers in the return of Jake White, the shadowy whispering “adviser”.  High profile departures happen shortly after his arrival. His former assistant coach at the Boks Coetzee is easily felled in their first real contest of consequence.

I say, it’s about time.  South African rugby needs a new villain.  We are oh so weary of the 20th century’s Afrikaans versus English vibe, and beyond that there is only mega rich fat cats or BEE type figures that could possibly fall into the category of worthy rugby administrator villain. Perhaps a brutal Mickey Mouse, crushing dissent and rivals to the throne that gets the non-Sharks part of the country’s blood boiling is just what is needed to renew interest in the local competitions.

Sadly for the Western Province rugby, it looks like their scheming villain at the top of the organisation is merely an incompetent Dr Evil.

mickeyjohn

Eben Etzebeth footage from Currie Cup Final uncovered

The talk of the town in wine estates, fashion boutiques and French restaurants across the Cape Peninsula today is of Eben Etzebeth’s epic performance in the final against the Sharks.  One of our drinking buddies was lucky enough to be in attendance at the Shark tank and managed to capture this footage of Eben Etzebeth dismantling the Sharks:

Eben Etzebeth ensuring that the advantage line was not crossed by the Sharks in the second half. I think our cameraman was using that Instagram filter thingy.

Currie Cup Final Matchup: Lambie vs Habana

BDR presents the key stats line up between the two major stars in Saturday’s Currie Cup final:

Bryan Habana

  • Position: Wing
  • Known by his teammates for:  Eating ten strawberry energy bars at his first Stormers camp to “prove his loyalty” to Cape Town.
  • Height: 1.80m
  • Favourite economist: John Maynard Keynes.
  • Weight: 94 kgs (when he sucks his belly in)
  • Favourite movie: Weekend at Bernies 2 (Jason Silverman)
  • Age:  29
  • Go to clutch move: Intercept try.
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Hegel.
  • Career ambition: Shut that n#$b up on the railway stand with the NZ flag who shows up at all of Bryan’s games.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: Careless Whisper by George Michael.

Pat Lambie:

  • Position: Flyhalf
  • Known by his teammates for:  Refusing to pass to anyone in the squad who hasn’t watched all five seasons of The Wire.
  • Height: 1.77m
  • Favourite economist: Joseph Schumpeter.
  • Weight: 83 kgs
  • Favourite movie: Pistol Whipped (Steven Seagal)
  • Age: 22
  • Go to clutch move: Step and hand off (Schalk Burger, anyone?)
  • Philosopher he bases his backline play on: Aristotle
  • Career ambition:  Would like to be able to grow stubble just like his hero Mark Lawrence.
  • Song he listens to in order to get “amped”: La Isla Bonita by Madonna

Currie Cup Final Four Preview

The preliminary fluff of domestic South African rugby is over and we’ve got a few weeks of “real” Currie Cup rugby with the return of the Springboks and the start of the post-season knock-outs.  It’s time for a look at the final four teams left standing.

Lions

Player to look out for: Elton Jantjies.  Watch him here before he gets set up by Heyneke to fail on the northern hemisphere tour.

Best known for: It’s an odd team strategy to base your chances of winning silverware by having the most rubbish squad available so that none of your players get picked for Bok duty.  This allows you to then clean up against weakened opponents while the Boks are away on tour.  The key is to then try to ride the momentum through to the final.  Also known for half time talks from the coach that involve hazing rituals, mental and physical abuse of the current scrumhalf.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “Beyond Here Lies Nothing”

Western Province

Player to look out for:  Bryan Habana. Those evenings spent around the campfire with Heyneke Meyer during the Bok season has allowed him to regain his form.

Best known for:  The ability to be on fire during the regular season but then fail to put together anything resembling decent rugby in the knock-out stages thus ensuring that their own fans boo them at home as they get knocked out of a tournament they once led.  The “Proteas” of South African rugby.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “Everything is Broken”

Sharks

Player to look out for: Pat Lambie.  It’s getting to be one of the last few times for Lambo to roll the dice to become the next big Springbok flyhalf hope.  He’s in danger of becoming another false hope.

Best known for: Good cheerleaders, not so good backline play.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “Just Like A Woman”

Bulls

Player to look out for:  Morne Steyn.  He’s not going to come good just in time for the final, is he?

Best known for:  With Heyneke Meyer’s mad King Lear like insistence on picking all things Bulls (including his lunch box), many parts of the country are turning against the Bulls franchise.  Some may go as far as to hope for a convenient injury to unpopular players.

Bob Dylan song that best describes them: “With God On Our Side”.