2012 A Springbok Scorecard

The Springbok season is over and it is time to pull out the scorecard.

Best Player:

Duane Vermeulen, who is rapidly approaching “players who may not be criticized on this blog” status.

Best Hair:

Jannie “Eagles Roadie” Du Plessis.

Player who looked best in shorts:

Andries Strauss (pulling off the naughty standard 6 schoolboy look)

Player who looked worst in shorts:

Flip Van der Merwe.

The annual “Hansie Cronje” award for embarrassing your country:

Dean MacGyver Greyling.  Not just for the most atrocious “impact” performance seen on a rugby field, but also for having the middle name MacGyver (editor: this one we didn’t make up).

Moment we knew the Boks were going to have a rubbish season:

Pick any of the following:

(a) When Zane Kirchner was picked in the starting line up for the first test

(b) Half time against Argentina in Argentina

(c) When you saw Heyneke still had his GI Joe haircut at the first press conference

(d) When Heyneke uttered the words “if you execute plan A well enough, you don’t need a plan B.”

The Percy Montgomery “booed by your own fans” award:

Morne Steyn.

Best commentator/analyst:

Nick Mallet.  He may just be my new hero.  Please just bring up ticket prices for international matches one more time, Nick.

Worst commentator/analyst:

Arnie “A game of two halves/strangely orange” Geerdts.

Match that put everything in perspective:

Tonga beat Scotland by roughly the same margin as the Boks did the week before.  That should shut up the “a win is a win” brigade.

Overall assessment: “E” for a Fail.  With the talent available to the Boks, 2012 was not good enough.  We also call BS on the “this was a relatively young team” excuse.  That’s second only to “judge me on the World Cup” in terms of desperation.

It has been rumoured that as a child Duane Vermeulen wrote the original screenplay that David Lynch went on to use as “Twin Peaks”.

Smokey the Bowler

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