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Archive | May, 2012

Cheetahs best season ever: the heartbreak kids come good

27 May

If this were any normal Super Rugby season when the Cheetahs go down by 14 points in the first half, you expect them to fight back only to cough it up in the last two minutes. Your pick of Coenie “sex on legs” Oosthuizen swan diving onto a ruck to give a penalty away in front of the posts or Hennie “I left my common sense with my fashion sense” Daniller with  a wild speculative pass inside his own in goal area to allow the visiting team to break Free State hearts once more.  Ear-splitting screams of “Vry-staaaat!” notwithstanding.

Not this season though.  In Saturday night’s come from behind miracle on ice last minute nail baiter the Bloemfontein boys held their nerve and clung to a desperate against the odds win over the Waratahs.  Willie Le Roux might have a name more suited to a career in the adult entertainment industry, but his ability to cross the try line this weekend meant that Cheetahs fans had something to celebrate on the drive home from the stadium this weekend.  With the win came confirmation that 2012 is the best Super Rugby season the franchise has had in its history.  Best at least in terms of wins and results – after all a few former Cheetahs front rowers will still tell you that 1999 edged this one in terms of ability to pull girls on tour…

Coenie “sex on legs” Oosthuizen set the ladies pulses racing this weekend with another sensual performance in the front row.

So tip of the hat to Cheetah’s coach Tony Soprano Naka Drotske.  The Cheetahs used to be everyone’s second favourite team simply because while they played a romantic idealist’s form of the game, they were never actually going to beat your number one team.   The Cheetahs now inspire genuine hate from anyone in a Lion’s supporters jersey and have strung together a record 5 wins against decent opponents making a trip to Bloemfontein far more nervous than it used to be.

Add to that, prospects for 2013 look even better.  While their season was ignited by uncovering wonderkid/boy genius/future flyhalf maestro/gift to mankind/anti-apartheid activist and former Robben Island struggle veteran Johan Goosen, some of these wins have been pulled off with Goosen still on the injury list.   Rumour has it he is the next Johnnie Wilkinson and not just in the looks department.   Not even the most one-eyed Lions fan could deny that the Cheetahs deserve their spot in the competition next year.

Hell… even their cheerleaders get the most improved badge of the year.

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Standing up for freedom of speech

18 May

Try as I might, I couldn’t connect this painting to a story about the Lions being unable to stay up in the Super 15 competition.

Yip, this story has nothing to do with rugby.  I had a half baked attempt to write something about the Lions here… but I’ll just play it straight today.

So the ANC is legally bullying an art gallery and South African artist to  take down an unflattering portrait of president Zuma.   Apparently mocking Zuma is a violation of his human rights.

I don’t know Brett Murray from a bar of soap and I really have no opinion as to whether the “Hail to the Thief/Spear of the Nation” portrait depicted here is good art or bad art.  But I will say this.  I have huge respect and admiration for anyone who gets under the skin of the powerful.  And I have even bigger respect and admiration for someone who refuses to back down when the ruling government party starts blustering and threatening legal action.

So – to the knobs in government who don’t understand what free speech means…

Free speech isn’t about the easy stuff.  It’s easy to protect free speech when it stands up for something you believe in.  Protecting free speech is about the stuff that makes you uncomfortable, about the stuff you think is a bad idea, about the stuff that exposes what a hypocrite and a liar you may or may not be.

If you don’t like being made fun of, don’t run for public office.  If you don’t want people to mock you, don’t choose a life that puts you squarely in the public eye.  Your career has been built on the applause and adulation of the public.   You can’t have the praise without the blame.    If you’re upset about all the people who unjustly criticise you, you might also want to think about the people who unjustly praised you.

So here’s to freedom of speech and to here’s to all the artists, cartoonists, journalists and writers who annoy the powerful.

Also – anyone who makes an oblique Radiohead reference in a public art gallery is alright in my book.

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Dr Jannie responds to our angry fan mail

17 May

[Editors note: We received the following feedback from a concerned bulls fan about our article on the new Bulls pink jersey.  Given the gravity of the accusations, we have requested resident medical expert Dr Jannie to respond our behalf]

“Wow, Big daddy, you sir / ma’m / Moron are obviously gay and only reached std 4 coz you cribbed off of Malema’s paper.

Seriously, You and this little band of “after church service litle gathering by the creek” people need help. non of you barring the one or two bulls supporters on here know EF_ALL about rugby. You go on about a “fashion statements” and bloody info commercials but you seem to have forgotten that the sport being played is RUGBY, not the runway walk, RUGBY. No matter what colour a team wears they al still play rugby and the last time I checked the Bulls have the most respected record in SA over the last few decades. You should rather voice your anal-retentive thought s on places like the View where someone might listen to your crap. You sir / ma’am / moron, are a tur dingbat ad deserve to be punched in the face repeatedly with your own fist.”

Concerned Bulls follower.

Dear Concerned Bulls follower

I have taken time out of my busy schedule working on the first great novel of the 21st century to respond to these  rather serious accusations levelled at the Big Daddy Rugby writing team.

You do realise that is actually is NOT an insult to call someone from Cape Town gay, right?   I often play up that card as it is very popular with the Cape Townian ladies (see picture above).

If you do an accurate fact-check on local rugby team records, you’ll discover that the Bulls as impressive as they were in the last few seasons were not in fact the dominant domestic team in terms of winning records.  Ever since they signed that freak from Boland Agricultural as their tighthead and found a way to skirt the age eligibility rules the Sweet Valley Primary School under 10 team has been dominating local teams, season in, season out, with a record that trumps any other domestic team.

Last point, it if it is wrong to look good while winning, then I don’t want to be right.  Just ask Brok Harris.

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The boy wonder Patrick Lambie vs Old Man Stirling Mortlock

13 May

The Super 15 delivered yet again this weekend with a healthy dose of high-five moments.

One that stood-out for me personally was seeing old man Stirling Mortlock score his 50th try in Super Rugby in a surprising win for the Rebels over the Crusaders.

It was one of the those moments in sport when it felt like everyone was rooting  for the same guy…willing his tired legs over the line and allowing some of us to feel that 35 is not too old to get the boots out from under the bed and try out for selection in next year’s tournament.

The same match also saw Kurtley Beale getting flattened by a massive hit that temporarily wiped the smirk from under that ridiculous crumb-catcher of his. The guy’s a great player…but let’s face it – that tash makes him look like a someone who’s not allowed within 50 yards of a children’s playground.

Kurtley Beale

Kurtley Beale before and after his stint on ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’

 

At the other end of the age spectrum from ‘The Mortlocker’ is the cherub-faced boy wonder Pat Lambie…can this kid do no wrong?! He’s like Justin Bieber, but WITH talent!

Yet again he played a pivotal role in his team’s victory, but this time he graciously let some of his team mates get-in on the action – unlike last weekend where he scored all of the Sharks’ 28 points.

Just in case you missed that…here’s one that he finished-off in style with a little help from his friend Hosea Gear.

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England name squad for South African tour de farce

10 May

England have named their 42-man squad for their tour to South Africa next month.

Stuart Lancaster, who was offered the head honcho role back in March, has stuck with a similar squad to the one that ended the 6 Nations on high by beating Ireland 30 – 9 and finishing in a respectable 2nd place.

The selectors have also chosen to bring back hell raising scrum-half Danny ‘Day’ Care, after his stint on the naughty step for repeated alcohol related benders (see previous BDR post).

Care commented:

“I’m really looking forward to being a part of this tour. I’ve heard the beaches and wine in South Africa are up there with the best! But this is no holiday, well…it’s kind of a holiday…I mean sure, we’re out there to play rugby, but you still got have time to unwind and let your hair down. When in Rome and all that!”

Stuart Lancaster…will want to keep a tight grip on his balls during the tour to SA.

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Auckland Blues and Pat Lam: Once were warriors

5 May

Remember the mid-nineties when Graham Henry coached the Auckland Blues?  Heck at Super 12 fixture against those bad boys was as a big as a Test Match and if you consider the state of Northern Hemisphere rugby back then, playing Auckland in Auckland was probably tougher than most test matches.

Those were the days if you were an Aucklander.   Seinfeld was still on tv, Biebermania hadn’t yet swept the nation and you could satisfy yourself that come Saturday whichever hapless baby seals were going to be offered up as opposition to the Blues would be clubbed to death mercilessly in front of a rabid crowd at Auckland Park.  There was even talk of visiting coaches deliberating picking understrength sides to face Auckland simply to avoid injuring key players in a game that was going to be a loss anyway.

Fast forward to 2012.  Pat Lam has already broken the franchise record for most defeats in a season and the season isn’t even half way.   Nine losses in a season?  I suspect my views will be unpopular here, but I have to say, I’ve never digged Pat Lam.  His post-match interview in the 95 World Cup after Samoa got spanked by the Boks was the stuff of complete knobs.

Pat has gone on record complaining about people criticising him on the “interwebs” and “the twitter”.   Sure, it’s over the top Pat.  Is that a surprise?  You’re the coach of a legendary franchise and during your tenure their name is being humiliated.  Didn’t you lose to the Melbourne Rebels?   You deserve to cop a lot of flack if you coach a top team and have a miserable record with them.  Just ask Harry Viljoen.   Don’t take the social media stuff personally.  You should see what they say about Barack Obama on there… dude, you’re not special in copping a bit of abuse.

p.s. Where is all the support from the railway stand at Newlands now for Auckland?

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