The Reds season is ovvvaaaahhhh!
Archive | March, 2012
NZ captain blames God for Hong Kong Sevens defeat
26 Mar
Kiwi captain DJ Forbes blamed God for a crucial knock on that led to Fiji taking the Hong Kong title.
New Zealand Sevens captain DJ Forbes has previously gone on record as thanking God for his teams’ victories in the sevens tournament. So it came as quite a surprise (although it must be pointed out, theologically consistent) when he turned on his maker and blamed God for the Kiwi’s 35-28 loss in the Hong Kong Sevens final to Fiji.
For a player who believed at the start of the season that “God was on their side” things certainly have changed since pre-season.
After the loss during his interview, when he is customarily heard to be thanking God for allowing his rugby team to win the encounter he revealed that with ten minutes to go all was going according to plan. They needed an important break down the blind side however God suddenly intervened on the side of the Fijians, causing DJ Forbes to inexplicably (for those of a non-religious mindset anyway) knock on. From there on out, the Kiwi’s pact with the Almighty just seemed to be “off”. Missed kicks, stray passes and knock ons simply had to be attributed to divine intervention. There was no other explanation, after all.
After witnessing his post match speech blinding the Bulls have hired a local pastor to look into their disastrous 2002 season in attempt to clear Heyneke Meyer’s reputation.
Bulls rip out Reds’ hearts, destroy their season and date their girlfriends
25 MarWow. 61-8. Eight tries to one. The Reds just got spanked. It doesn’t matter how you try to spin that one in the post match interview but for the defending champions to get theirs a$$es handed to them to like that has got to permanently scar a team. Sure they had injuries, sure they were thousands of miles away from the nearest XXXX or Bundies, but if you are the defending champions you simply just can’t let a team put 60 plus on you.
Ouch. Reds coach, Knuckles, (who for the record is one of the nicest blokes you’ll meet on the Twittersphere) must be wondering how to pick up the pieces up this weekend. At the half time mark a 16-3 lead looked comfortable enough and you’d expect Ludeke to be giving the Bulls the standard “let’s rest on our laurels boys” talk in the changing room. But Steyn came out on fire with another 100%’er with the kicking boots and the back line seemed to grow in confidence with every passing minute. That’s what you have to love about this Bulls side. They bullies and they are excellent bullies. They sensed weakness and then didn’t just finish them. They smashed them, humiliated them and dragged the Reds’ carcass all over Loftus for the second half.
Hell apparently with ten minutes to go, the Bulls front row demanded that their Reds counterparts immediately hand over the phone numbers of the Reds’ girlfriends. Pierre Spies was heard to be dialling the phone numbers of each of the Reds forwards’ girlfriends during those last ten minutes, and after pointing out their score to the Brisbane lasses, recommending that they “hook up” on the Bulls overseas tour.
According to my sources things got really awkward after the final whistle, is all I am saying…
Wales are the champs – break out the Tom Jones!
18 MarCongrats to Wales. With a comfortable 16-9 put down of France at Cardiff, they’ve taken the 6 Nations title and done it with a grand slam. So while fans everywhere can bust out some Tom Jones and celebrate the Welsh coaching staff will have to get used to life without the underdog title.
As genuine northern hemisphere silverware owners, the Welsh now have a target on them. Break out the sherbets for sure, but the southern hemisphere will now be gunning for them.
While it has been nauseating to read in the English press about losing to a “special generation” of players, a strong Welsh team really opens up the interest in that tournament. It’s a far cry from the days of early Wilkinson when “Le Crunch” determined who would be the 6 Nations champion, or more specifically whether Le Crunch was played in England or France.
It was a pity to see Ireland get completely annihilated at scrum time against England, were it not for that pitiable forward pack you could say that four of the six nations would fancy themselves as realistic title contenders. But for now, Wales have put on the crown and will be the new team to beat. They’ve got three tantalising tests against Australia in June. That’s going to be cracking.
Here’s to you Wales – worthy 6N champs. Here’s hoping you send a full strength team to Oz this year.
Here's looking at you big guy!
England cause 6 Nations upset
13 MarStuart Lancaster’s England team caused shockwaves throughout the rugby world on Sunday by turning up to their match in Paris completely sober.
According to sources within the camp, the players had an early night-in on the Saturday, with some marshmallow-topped hot chocolates to accompany a DVD viewing of The Bodyguard.
It was lights-out at 11pm, but not before the evening was topped-off with prop Matt Stevens (who reached the final of Celebrity X Factor in 2006) serenading the players to sleep with an emotional rendition of the Julie Garland classic Over the Rainbow. Bless.
The team also managed to beat 6 Nations contenders France, resulting in their first home defeat in 10 matches.
Matt Stevens' singing was said to cause 'man tears'
Jake White unavailable to coach England, also unavailable to date Victoria Secret supermodels
10 MarJake White announced this week that he definitely won’t be able to coach England this year due to his commitments with the Brumbies. Umm… that’s interesting, Jake. Was anyone actually asking? Or were you just worried that your name hadn’t been on Keo’s website in a few weeks?
So, he hasn’t been interviewed, the role hasn’t been formally offered, he’s not an official candidate, but he’s “unavailable” for it? Geez, dude. A quiet word to the any agent from the English Rugby Union might have been enough, why did you have to make it a “Jake White in the news issue”?
In related news, Jake also announced that he is definitely unavailable to date Heidi Klum or any of the other Victoria Secret Angels. He is definitely, positively, unavailable to take any of them out on a date, at the very least for the next twelve months due to “current commitments”.
Delusions of grandeur much, Jake?
Errm... Jake is definitely not able to date any of these models. At least not this season...
Oh and p.s. none of the editorial team on Big Daddy Rugby are available to coach either. Carlos, Silas and Smokey will not be able to take over the role due to current blogging commitments.
p.p.s. You’re a World Cup winning coach. You won’t be forgotten, you can still get a round on anyone at Forries when you walk in.
Danny Care makes it a hat-trick
7 MarDanny ‘Devil may care’ Care recently completed a remarkable hat-trick….of arrests!
The England and Harlequins scrum-half, who was dropped from the 6 Nations squad earlier this year for being pissed behind the wheel, was arrested in Leeds over the weekend – this time for being caught pissing outside a hotel in the city centre.
Apparently Care was on his way home from a night out on the town when he was forced to ask the driver of the taxi he was in to pull over so that he could ‘release the Kraken’.
Care was later released with a caution (that he should wash his hands in future) and in a statement made after the incident said:
“I understand the link that will be made to previous offences but, as with my fine in December, the issue is more one of a small bladder than excessive drinking.”
So Danny’s the victim here people…overactive bladder syndrome’s no laughing matter, unless your Ben Youngs or Lee Dickson that is, in which case your laughing all the way into the No. 9 jersey!
Danny Care gets used to his new position in the England squad...as a spectator.
It’s all looking a bit familiar
4 Mar
Expect Naka to go all Tony "dead eyes" Soprano around week 5 of the competition...
We’re only two weeks into this season’s Super 15 and it’s already starting to take on a familiar ring.
The Lions are as brittle as ever and are willing to hand over rugby games to any opposition team that asks in a rather stern voice if the Lions wouldn’t mind rolling over for them. The Shark’s look unimaginative (cheerleaders aside) with loads of potential that they somehow never live up to. And where the Stormers should have a quality flyhalf, they have Brock “Twinkle Toes” Harris at first receiver. Jeez, if I was inside centre for the Stormers I would have knee-capped Harris a long time ago if I wanted to have any expectation of getting the ball in open play. Things looked better for the Stormers on Saturday when Grant came on, but you suspect until that they settle their flyhalf question they’re not going to put away quality opposition in tight games.
The Bulls are throwing their weight around like a 300 pound wrestler taking on a bunch of kindergarteners armed only with popsicles, but their true mettle will only be tested on the road. It still remains to see whether they’ll be able to step up to the legacy left by Meyer’s later squads, or if they will be one of those squads that are unbeatable at home but totally sh$t on the road in New Zealand and the land of Oz.
We’ve been here before, right? If you’re a Lion’s or Cheetah’s supporter you’ve got that feeling that opposition cricket teams used to have when they toured Australia. First morning of the series, first session of the day and Hayden and Langer are already carting you all over the park. Hell… you’re not even 120 minutes into a long series and you’re hoping like hell that you can somehow ride this out and come out on the other side still looking like some sort of half decent sports outfit. Pre-season boasts about Jantjies and Brussouw are proving very regrettable.
Until the Saffer teams cross the Atlantic we won’t really know if Bulls, Stormers and Sharks have realistic knockout hopes (because the Cheetahs and the Lions sure as hell don’t). As someone who grew up watching rugby in the ’90s I’m a firm believer, that what you do at Newlands or Loftus doesn’t count for much until you’ve been tested on the turf in Auckland, Christchurch and Sydney. The Cheetahs are first up for tour and it’s a formality that they will be getting their asses handed to them. For me, I’m reserving all judgement until the top three South African teams go on tour.
Kate and Wills big night…NZ rugby fan tells it like it is
2 MarA refreshing synopsis of last year’s Royal Wedding by a group of merry NZ rugby fans…this was only ever gonna go one way!
Weepu wave bye bye…
1 MarIt doesn’t matter how many times I watch this…I just don’t grow tired of it!
Robbie Fruean literally swots Piri Weepu away like annoying fly buzzing around his food. Good job sir!
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