When I first saw the Bulls new pink away strip, after choking back the nausea, I had a moment’s thought. Well… at least it is for a worthy cause. I guess the Bulls must be following the lead of university rugby clubs like UCT and making a stand against violence against women and are donning pink for the cause. Or perhaps they’ve had a touch of the JP Duminy and would like to draw the attention of the Loftus faithful to the advantages of early screening in detecting breast cancer. Hell, maybe they’ve gone all out and would like the rugby world to stop being such a homophobic place. I had visions of Wynand Olivier, donning pink and going on Supersport challenging the conventions of most of the Darren Scott brigade. But… the truth of the matter is, that the Blue Bulls rugby union are wearing this ghastly pink monstrosity to serve the cause of their sponsors Puma. Puma had some vague mention about pink jacarandas, but the pinkness is about getting people to talk about Puma. The concept behind the new strip was apparently “Bull in a china shop”. I can just picture the stupid f^%k at some ad house in Cape Town who came up with this one.
Bull in a china shop? More like 7 year old eats too many strawberry energy bars and throws up over himself.
Do the suits at Loftus not know that SA is in the midst of a fashion crisis? Not only are Croc sandles all over the suburbs, but worse, Die Antwoord are making a name for themselves in the United States and Americans are looking at those mullets and wondering just how representative Die Antwoord are of the general SA population. Can I just remind SA rugby, that English football has David Beckham? David Beckham for pete’s sake. This guy models Calvin Klein underwear. What do we have? We have Jacques Kallis selling anti-dandruff shampoo on tv. *sigh*
So, in the spirit of accepting our new-found status as pole-cats of the fashion world, the away strip jerseys of the other SA franchises will be revealed as:
- Cheetahs – puke yellow, inspired by an Ollie le Roux night-out in Bloemfontein
- Lions – A “fake gunshot spray” of red splattering over white, a tribute to all the fallen car highjack victims Ellis Park has accounted for over the years
- Stormers – As an ode to glory gone by, the Stormers rugby union will be getting an x-ray of Bobby Skinstads knee the night after his traffic accident blown up and put on their shirts.
- Sharks – let’s just be honest, the only reason anyone cares about the Sharks is those Sharks girls. So just put the damn cheerleaders on your shirt and be done with it. Also, change your franchise name to “the one with the hot cheerleaders”.
You can just hear the laughter coming from the French rugby supporters. How can I show my face at Pastis again?