On the sixth day of Christmas
Mike Tindall gave to me:
Six birds a laying,
Five dwarves a tossing,
Four pints a downing,
Three lawsuits pending,
Two mystery blondes,
And Tuilagi jumping from a ferry!
Mike was particulary looking forward to unwrapping the gift from his English team-mates
On a trip to the states recently, it struck me that Cape Town isn’t nearly as liberal as it likes to pretend it is. Sure the old timers who hail from Cape Town liked to pretend they were either all part of the struggle secretly, or voted Progressive with some subversive Rodriguez tapes in their stereos, or did whatever they needed to while maintaining the status quo back in the bad old days. Cape Townians like to pretend we’re very inclusive and embrace diversity and all that. So how come there are no openly gay players in the Western Province and Stormers set up? Not to mention South African rugby as a whole.
So we have a liberal constitution, but I call bulls–t on our supposed liberality until we have an openly gay rugby player. I mean, come on, it’s not like out of that squad of thirty or so, there couldn’t be one player who stares a moment longer than needed at Pierre Spies’s shorts or Wynand Oliver’s latest avant-garde hairdo. There’s a lot of short shorts wearing and doing weights while staring into the mirror in the rugby community is all I am saying…
Actually, that’s not all I am saying. Let’s face it, SA rugby has a pretty despicable legacy that many of us are trying to overturn. There’s a perception out there that the master plan of apartheid was conceived during some rugby team bonding breakaway training camp with Henrik Verwoed and few other tight forwards. Just another example of bad ideas conceived by front rowers after a few beers. Back in the day, that conception of SA rugby probably wasn’t far off from the truth, but now most rugby fans are very much “with it” and are a part of the new SA. It’s time to radically change the image of SA rugby.
So how about extending that inclusiveness to the gay community? I mean think of the marketing opportunities. Those shower gel and anti-dandruff ads the Proteas do are pretty much 98% of the way there. I am sure SA rugby could take it across the finish line.
Besides… could you imagine how it would freak some of the northern players the f–k out to have to scrum against a Stormers pack consisting of a few bad boys? Now that would be intimidating…
So Big Daddy Rugby is sending out a call out to South Africa’s first openly gay player. Show yourself dude… there’s a lot of homophobic bullying that you could help us put an end to.
The Daily Mash with a great take on the Twikileaks scandal – it turns out the English Rugby team is English after all:
“The whole campaign mirrored exactly what you’d expect when a load of English blokes go abroad. Meticulous planning that’s immediately ignored as soon as the plane hits the tarmac and at least one of them getting into trouble with his missus for motorboating a skank.”The Rugby Football Union is investigating how the report was leaked but admits that, because its staff are English, somebody probably left their computer unlocked during a 45-minute cigarette break or left it on a bus.
They are eager to restore the image of rugby players as seven-foot celibate philosopher kings who pursue their sport to enrich the sum of human understanding, rather than men who were too stupid to do cricket at school.
But Hayes said the revelation that England’s rugby players are just like the rest of us but with thicker necks could make the sport more accessible to people who are not called ‘Ollie’.
He added: “Going on an important business trip, pissing the expense account up the wall and jumping off things for a bet is as English as not winning anything.”
The full article is available here.
It’s hard not to like Jonny Wilkinson.
A man more humble than the Dalai Lama, but far better looking and with a precision kicking game that took England to World Cup victory in 2003.
I hate him.
But that’s besides the point, and probably more to do with the fact that I secretely want to be him.
Wilko really was an asset to the sport and played rugby in the true spirit of the game…whatever that means.
He was arguably the best fly-half in the world a few years ago until he got more injuries than Wile E Coyote after a particualry bad run-in with the Road Runner.
Go forth and prosper Jonny! I look forward to getting the autobiography for Xmas and not reading it.
I bet the pictures will be great though.
Like a true gentleman, Jonny always took his shoes off before making love to you with his eyes.
So… it’s about that time of the year when summer kicks in South Africa. And this year things are looking good. Juju is on his way out, our neighbourhood dictator Mugabe is on his last legs and Gary Kirsten is coaching the Proteas. All signs point to a summer of love…
The smell of freshly cut grass, cheap sun-screen and the opportunity to haul out some old moldy cricket gear to so if it is possible that somehow you magically acquired the ability to become a vicious pace bowler over the winter while you were chinning pints at the Local.
Of course, all of this means that it is 7s rugby time too. And this year, the carnival moves away from the Garden Route and rolls into Port Elizabeth.
Hell.. I’d love to be there this weekend. Booze, good weather and a decent stadium that doesn’t look like it was made a mad Stalinist dictator during the concrete revival era of architecture. Nope, instead the PE locals will be savoring beer and good rugby, while turning a brighter shade of pink. As for me… I’ll be in airports queues.
When watching 7s do you ever the idea that these guys would absolutely smoke a Super 15 rugby team given half the chance? The average Super 15 rugby player is so unfit from having been overplayed on top of still feeling the effects of the big night out throwing dwarves and harassing local waitresses they just wouldn’t be able to hold a flame to 7s team.
Cecil Afrika, Branco du Preez… hell… I’d take these guys in the bok squad any day over the over-the-hill out of shape fatties that pass for Springboks.
Enjoy the rugby ladies and gents. It only rolls around once a year.
Shane Williams will be saying an emotional farewell in his final test for Wales against Australia at the Millenium Stadium this Saturday.
The pint-sized national hero will be hoping to bow out on a high by wreaking revenge on the Aussies for their bronze final defeat at the World Cup in October.
Willams has commented that although a try would be a special bonus, his sense of national pride and achievment would be all the more intense if he gets to: ‘laugh hysterically in the faces of the defeated Australians as they pick the pieces of James O’Connor’s skull from the bloodied Millenium Stadium turf.’
Steady on Shane!
Shane was caught heading to his local pawn shop.
