Dear Dr Jannie: The 6th Letter

Dear Dr Jannie,

I love my husband very much but lately it seems that his only interests in life are watching rugby and drinking beer.

We’ve just recently moved into a new house and there’s a lot that needs doing around the place, but with the games being on so early in the morning and with his insistence on having a few beers whilst watching them, absolutely nothing is getting done! It’s REALLY driving me mad!

Are all men like this Dr Jannie? What happened to the sensitive caring man I married?

Please help Dr Jannie! I want my sweet old Jermaine back!

Deeply Frustrated.  

Dear Deeply Frustrated,

When Bismarck and I were growing up on the farm the highlight of our school holidays was when Groot Oupa would take us on a trip into town for what he liked to call a “Cultural Experience”.

We’d get dressed up, which meant wearing something other than just PE shorts, and set off down the dirt road in the back of his Bakkie, whilst munching on some of Mummy’s special Pad Kos.

On one particular occasion we were especially excited to learn that we were headed for the Civic Theatre to see a student production of the famous musical “Cats”! Bismarck and I had never seen a musical before let alone set foot inside a theatre, so as I’m sure you can imagine we were a bundle of nerves beforehand.

As the first half of the show was drawing to a close Bismarck lent over to me and whispered in my ear: “Hey Jannie, you dick, check what I’ve got!”. I looked down towards his lap and there in his hand was Groot Oupa’s whiskey hip-flask. Before I could say anything he’d vanished from his seat and was making a beeline towards the mens’ bathroom.

About 25 minutes into the second half the auditorium doors flew open and Bismarck staggered in. He had a horrible brown stain down the front of his shirt and it was quite clear to all that he was blind drunk. Groot Oupa looked furious and tried to signal for him to leave the theatre but unfortunately Bismarck seemed hypnotized by the rhythms of the music and stumbled towards its source.

It was a crucial part of the show, just as Mr Mistoffelees was about to perform his dance solo when Bismarck stormed onto the stage and made a pathetic attempt to tackle him. Mr Mistoffelees stood unmoved as Bismarck fell to the floor laughing hysterically and shouting: “Jannie, you diiiiick! Look at me! I’m a staaar! I’m a staaar!”.

The crowd erupted in a chorus of boos and security was called to escort us from the building.

Naturally, we were banned from ever returning again and that put an end to our “Cultural Experience” trips with Groot Oupa.

I hope this story helps you to realise just how lucky you are to have a man like Jermaine in your life.

Go well,

Dr Jannie.


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