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Archive | August, 2011

Tendai “the Beast” Mtawarira: From Hegelian to Existentialist

31 Aug
Tendai Mtawarira

Tendai "the Beast" Mtwarira brought a strong Hegelian influence to the Sharks scrumming technique. Image via Wikipedia

On the eve of the World Cup, Tendai Mtawarira gave Big Daddy Rugby an exclusive interview covering his rise in test match rugby, the challenges of adapting to the Sharks culture and the influences of Hegelianism and Kierkegaardian Existentialism on his playing style.

Nicknamed ‘the Beast’ by his family for his precocious ability to finish off four Big Macs in one sitting as a toddler – Tendai has made a name for himself in South African rugby with his signature run down the side lines: tree trunk legs pumping, ball in hand, a lock of Wynand Olivier’s hair in his mouth and the crowd bellowing: “Beeeaaaassssst!’

Big Daddy Rugby  caught up with him before the squad left for New Zealand to gauge his mood before the big tournament.

BDR: Tendai, how does it feel to be a part of the squad going to New Zealand?

TM: It’s a great honour, not only to represent South Africa, but to also to be able to take on the New Zealanders in their back yard. There’s no bigger challenge for a rugby player.

BDR: Other than having to navigate the bizarre inefficient bureaucracy of our Home Affairs Department, what has been the biggest challenge you have had in adapting to South Africa?

TM: Well to be honest, I found the Sharks playing culture radically different from what I was used to. Growing up in Zimbabwe, I had been enormously influenced by Joey Muwadzuri – who  as a coach had strongly Hegelian leanings.

BDR: I’m not familiar with Hegelian rugby philosophies. Can you elaborate?

TM: I’d love to.  You see, Hegel wrote that history has a direction. We are going somewhere. For example, there is a trend to be more and more liberated as a people. We have liberated ourselves from slavery, from apartheid. Women’s rights and gay rights are advancing across the world.  Look at the Arab Spring for example – history is going somewhere. It has an ultimate purpose.

BDR: I’m still not sure how this relates to rugby.

TM:  Well when you draw on this strong continental tradition as a front-rower – you tend to play a certain way. You are more comfortable scrumming in, keeping your back straight and making sure that your fly-half gets good front foot ball from a solid right shoulder.

BDR: So how was playing at the Sharks any different? Those qualities you mentioned seem like the kind of thing that any squad would want in their front rowers.

TM: I know, right? That’s why you can just imagine my surprise when in my first training camp Dick Muir and John Plumtree pulled me aside and started telling me about this crazy Danish cat from the 19th century named Soren Kierkegaard. In some ways Kierkegaard was the total negation of everything that Hegel taught. Kierkegaard was about radical freedom, about the accountability of the individual to make free choices in the face an uncaring universe.  I was completely blown away.  And for a while, I questioned everything I had been taught about how to scrum as a front rower.

It seemed like all the other Sharks players like Keegan , Stefan and Kankowski were all existentialists too.  There was little support for the ideas of Georg Hegel in the Sharks camp.  The players seemed a little crazy if you came into the squad with a strong continental philosophy.  For example, in my early days with the Sharks, I was often called into team meetings to describe a plausible theory of free will in a post-scientific world.  Once, when we trailing Griquas in Kimberly at half time, John Plumtree made me give a pep talk in the locker room where I had to describe what it would be like if we woke up to find ourselves transformed into giant insects.  What would this do for our strategy at ruck and maul time, would we have to change the structure of our drift defence into something more like an umbrella defence?  I managed to give the team, especially Freddie Michalak a lot to chew on during that talk.  It was then that I knew I was going to fit in with the Sharks culture.

BDR: Well, Tendai, you’ve given us lots to think about today. We wish you all the best for your trip to New Zealand. We know that the whole country is behind you.  Except of course for Buthana Komphela - chairperson of the political sports committee who wanted to deport you last year- but politicians are knobs anyway.  So good luck!

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The secret to the Wallabies success

30 Aug

So, a lot is being said and written about the Wallabies at the moment with rugby journalists world-wide giving their opinions on what makes this bunch of players a seriously formidable unit.

The Reds were worthy Super 15 winners and now with the Tri-Nations in the bag I think it’s safe to say that our Aussie friends are clearly doing something right.

The thing is though I’m not in agreement with all this talk of how Robbie Deans has instilled a sense of “Kiwi discipline” in the side nor do I buy into the theory that handing the captaincy to James Horwill has somehow given the team that extra bit of mongrel that was apparently lacking under Elsom’s reign.

I think it’s a whole simpler than that.

Anyone else notice that our friends in yellow (it’s not gold guys) have stopped singing the campfire favourite that is “Waltzing Matilda” at their home games?
Gone is the fellow with the bright yellow scarf and acoustic guitar who I’m sure had the best of intentions, but unfortunately managed to suck any life and intensity out of a game just minutes before kick off.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the tune, it’s catchy, but it’s certainly not rousing or inspirational, is it? Compare it with “Ireland’s Call” and you’ll see what I mean.

“Waltzing Matilda” kind of makes me feel like putting my feet up, cracking open another beer and hanging out with some good friends, something the Aussie boys clearly love doing, but maybe not the best idea right before a game of test match rugby, no?

I don’t know, it’s clearly an Aussie thing (evidenced in the video clip below),  all I know is that they’re playing some awesome rugby at the moment, and managing to do so without the help of a little waltz before hand.

Are the cracks starting to show?

29 Aug
New Zealand national rugby union team

Let the cracking begin... Image via Wikipedia

Tip of the hat to the Wallabies for winning the Tri-Nations this weekend for the first time since 2001. They did it by beating the Bok A team in the Republic and by repelling a full strength All Black team this weekend.  Nicely done, gents.  Nicely done.

Tri-Nations farce over, we can now turn our attention over to the World Cup.

Will two losses in a row trouble the fragile confidence of the Kiwis? You bet it will.  I wouldn’t want to face the stern headmasterly looks of disapproval Henry must have given his squad after the loss.  I suspect the self-medicating has already begun and half of the Kiwi backline have already downloaded some Enya tracks to “calm the nerves”.

The All Blacks are favoured to win this World Cup – as they always are.  But that also makes them favourites to choke yet again.  But will the home ground advantage make it better?  Or will it make the choke even more spectacular?

Which teams can knock the All Blacks back into the quivering choking territory? I suspect only the Wallabies, the Boks and the French have the potential to beat the All Blacks in New Zealand.  This is a strong All Black team who are unlikely to go behind on the scoreboard against anyone.  But if… and it’s a big if.. they do go behind in the scoreboard in a knock out game – it’s not going to be pretty.  Just ask the Proteas.

But the Aussies deserve their moment in the sunshine in this overscheduled season.  Tip of the hat to Wallabies fans everywhere. May your Bundaberg influenced hangovers grant you a much deserved day off work.

Celtic tiger caged by dominant English

28 Aug

Well it seems the Celtic tiger has lost some of its roar, with Ireland whimpering to their 4th straight defeat in a row… AND to add insult to injury (literally in the case of flanker David Wallace who sustained a blow to the knee) it was by losing to England for the first time since 2003.

Ireland coach Declan Kidney looked like he was about to pass a stone as he watched his teams ineffectual performance. While Wilkinson kept the scoreboard ticking over with his usual clockwork-like precision, the highlight of the match for the home crowd was watching full-back Murphy’s try saving tackle on Manu Tuilagi, after the Anglo-Samoan made a 70m run from his own twenty-two. It was like watching a greyhound tracking down a rampaging rhino.

The Irish seemed genuinely lost at sea without General Maximus O’Driscoll to call the shots and rally the team spirit with one of his rousing ‘I have a dream’ speeches. From an English fan’s point of view, things are looking promising leading up to the World Cup. In fact, at one point something resembling a smile (though it’s hard to tell when someone’s had that much reconstructive surgery) appeared to cross Martin Johnson’s face. And yes…it was a faintly disturbing sight.

Ireland's World Cup mascot 'Punch-drunk the Tiger'

Shock call-up for All Blacks in Tri Nations decider

26 Aug

In a last ditch effort to avoid being branded ‘a bit predictable’,  or the team least likely to do something crazy at the World Cup, the All Blacks have a released a shock statement that they will be calling-up American actor Denzel Washington for Saturday’s Tri Nations decider against the Wallabies.

The actor’s reasons for putting himself forward for selection and links to the country remain unclear, though it seems he may have visited Auckland once on a stopover flight to Japan and has apparently seen at least two of the three Lord of Rings films.

Washington has no previous experience on a rugby field but his press officer commented that: ‘Denzel is a method actor of the highest standard, and when he takes a role on,  he f***ing lives and breathes it!’

Footage of the stars first attempt at the Haka were recently caught on camera and posted on Youtube. Judge for yourself…

Epic Fail: Ard Matthews and the fall out from ‘Anthemgate’

25 Aug

Yip – we managed to fit in one hiccup in the Bok squad announcement after all.  This time it wasn’t a politician or an administrator bringing the pain… It was musician Ard Matthews with a Jorrie Muller-esque stuff up of the national anthem after the squad announcement:

You’d expect Supersport to drag Ard Matthew over the coals as part of a retribution but probably the highlight of the fallout after this awful rendition was this genius comment on YouTube (which no doubt has already been taken down):

 

Springbok World Cup squad announcement – are we Canada now?

24 Aug

No Lwazi Mvovi…  that’s about as shocking as PdV’s World Cup selections went last night.  Quite a change for South African sports politics.  For a country that is used to ridiculous displays of self-sabotage before a World Cup, you’d have to say – this was mild, tame and grown up.

In 2007 we had the Luke Watson drama.  We had the ANCYL and politicians climbing in left, right and centre.  In 2003, we had Fisbo the Clown a.k.a. Rudolf Straeuli with his distasteful and disturbing pre-World Cup preparations.  In 1999, Nick Mallet sacked Gary ‘Steady Eddy’ Teichman and even 1995 saw Kitch Christie selecting his favourite Gauteng players ahead of Tiaan Strauss.  But PdV has kept it pretty sane.

Where’s the drama?  After the Boks finally win a game, all of sudden we move from banana republic to boring old Canada? Are the front pages of our newspapers and magazines set to be dominated by scandals involving disaffected youths stealing flowers from national monuments and hard-hitting exposes about proposed reforms to import tariff regulations?

I have to say, I watched the first twenty minutes of the Supersport squad announcement half expecting to see Oregon Hoskins wheeling out Gadaffi as the new answer to the Bok’s flyhalf dilemna or PdV announcing with a cheeky grin that the ANCYL would be in charge of redesigning the team logo with an anti-Botswana mural to replace it.

The most scandalous part of the team announcement was having to endure close-ups of Darren Scott’s new “Art Deco” look that seems to have been inspired by some sort of unearthly fusion of General Kurtz from Apocalypse Now and the stone carvings from Easter Island.

So where to from here South Africa?  A normal quiet democracy – where we all move out of the crazy rag-tag inner city and head off for quieter suburbs, just like real grown ups?

Private Conversations: Dick Muir & Gary Gold

23 Aug

If you keep an eye on International news you’ll know that there’s been a bit of a “skandaal” over in the UK recently regarding some naughty “journalists” hacking into people’s’ phones and recording the conversations. It’s a bold move, sure,  but it’s also an old move. Phone Hacking has been an integral part of our operations at Big Daddy Rugby for a while now and we like to think of ourselves as pioneers in the field.

So, after very little discussion and largely due to the current piss poor state of SA Rugby we’ve decided to get our own back and release some of the transcripts of the many conversations we’ve recorded.
The people have a right to know!

We kick things off with an intimate chat between Gary Gold and Dick Muir on the eve of the Durban Test against the Aussies:

Dick Muir: Hey, what’s up, Golden Child?

Gary Gold: Hey Dickhead, not a lot really, just checking in to see what you’re up to? I’m pretty bored.

DM: Ja, me too. Not much happening here, man. I should be working on my team talk but I can’t really be arsed. Think I’m just gonna say the same thing as always and feed the guys the line about having “pride in the jersey” blah, blah, blah.

GG: Ja, that’ll work. Most of the guys put their headphones on when you speak anyways, so I don’t think it really matters what you say.

DM: Ja, I suppose you’re right, the ungrateful punks. I mean I’m the backline coach, the bloody BACKLINE COACH, and these guys all think that they know better!? Well they can learn the hard way then. Don’t tell Div, but I’ve put a few Rands on the Aussies doing us tomorrow.

GG: Don’t worry about it Dickhead, Div and I did the same thing, nothing too extreme though. There’s no harm in a little wager every now and then is there?

DM: Listen Golden Child, um, do you mind not calling me Dickhead anymore?

GG: What?!

DM: Ja, I don’t know man, it’s kind of a bit rude isn’t it? And it also sort of undermines me in front of the players, you know?

GG: No ways!! The guys love it! I thought you did too?

DM: Nah, not really man.

GG:Agh, ok, I suppose. How about Mr Dickhead then?

Just plain ol' Dick...

DM:umm, no.                        

GG:Little Dickie?  

DM: No, no.

GG: Me ol’ Cocker? 

DM: What?                                     

GG: Cock of the walk?

DM: What?! What are you talking about?

GG: Johnson? Shaft? Woody-Wood Pecker?

DM: Ja, look, I’m not really that keen on any of those names hey. I think just call me Dick. That’ll be fine.

GG: Just plain ol’ Dick?

DM: Ja, just plain ol’ Dick, that’s cool.

GG: Hmm, Ok man, whatever you say. Listen, I gotta bust, Showgirls is about to start and I really don’t want to miss the beginning.

DM: OK, Golden Child, catch you at breakfast tomorrow.

GG: Cool, cheers Dickhead. Oh, sorry….Dick.

Call ended.

Mehhhh… A decent Bok team would have put 40 on those Kiwis

22 Aug

Other than Heinrich Brussow’s heroic efforts and Jacque Fourie’s Houdini escape acts on Saturday, I thought the Boks as a whole were pretty disappointing.  Sure – I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and I’ll always be glad to take a Bok victory over the men in black.  Even if it is just to see the look of disappointment on the Kiwi fans “who flew all the way from Auckland” in the words of Bob Skinstad.  Hell… if I could overhear the conversations on the VW minibus drive back to suburbs of Port Elizabeth checking in at the airport and during the flight back to New Zealand… A win is a win and all that, but how come this Bok team never really goes for the kill when blood is in the water?

We had the All Blacks in trouble at 15-0 in the first half.  With a three score lead and a dominant scrum we should have put our boots on the Kiwi’s throats and stomped down hard… not letting them come up for air.  So what do we do? Other more reputable websites (you know who they are) described the Bok performance as clinical. If those professional journalists had put down their tik pipes for a few moments to watch the game, they have noticed that instead of being clinical, we were treated to the sight of Morne Steyn aimless kicks upfield that dares a dangerous Kiwi back three to run back at a Bok defence that is out of alignment. The Boks allowed them to make 23 line breaks (admittedly that stat comes from “Mr Personality” Graham Henry himself).  The Boks allowed them back into the game with a try in the shadows of half time.  In short the Boks let them make the score line respectable. A better Bok team would have strangled this poor Kiwi side into submission – then dragged them all over the field with rolling maul after rolling maul, followed by Bakkies rubbing mayonnaise and All Gold into the hair of the pretend flyhalf Colin Slade.

Our first game in the World Cup is against a Welsh team that is not only sporting new hairdos and rather sensual outfits, but also sporting renewed confidence after a win over England.  I’ve not seen anything in this Tri-Nations that fills me with confidence about winning the World Cup.  Let’s hope I’m wrong, but I’ve got a horrible feeling that in between Bok players kicking each other in the head accidentally, the bright spots in this World Cup are going to be few and far between.  Has someone started the countdown clock on PdV’s tenure yet?

It was a long flight back to Auckland for these "loyal" All Black supporters. Somebody might need to call Child Protection Services to look after that youngster in the top right corner - picture from Pretoria News.

Boks vs All Black detailed game analysis

20 Aug

I’ll take it. Nice one Lobster Boy – good impersonation of the English Patient.

20110820-071142.jpg

All Blacks training video exposes their No.1 weakness….perfection

19 Aug

Okay…admittedly there are some wicked skills on display in this video. But I can’t help thinking that the time spent doing this could have been put to better use elsewhere!

For instance:

  • earning some pocket-money by being an extra in the upcoming Hobbit film
  • working on the choreography of the Haka (I’m thinking a bit more Gaga and a little less Hammer)
  • helping Sonny Bill Williams film his new workout video ‘Ripped and Ready’
  • elocution lessons
AND now for the response:
This is the response from some Aussie players who demonstrate that perfection isn’t everything….well it’s far less entertaining at any rate.
Watch and enjoy…

I’m sorry I’ve got nothing – except contempt for SANZAR

19 Aug

Screw you SANZAR… Tomorrow the Boks play the All Blacks – which in rugby terms is supposed to be the pinnacle of rugby viewing. For lovers of test match rugby this is supposed to be the kind of event that you miss weddings for, that you feel entitled to be outraged whenever someone suggest there’s something besides… this is supposed to be the holy grail of sport.

As a little boy, I remember waking up at 3.30 am with my dad, getting the skottle going and braving the freezing cold of the lounge in midwinter to watch Jouba “the Rolls Royce” taking on Jonah Lomu and company.  I remember my blood boiling at the sight of the haka, wanting to break through the screen and take on those All Blacks myself.  And now…?   Now I’ve got nothing…

You’ve overplayed this hand SANZAR.  It is a World Cup year… you’ve expanded the Super Rugby tournament, left not even a break between the Super 15 and Tri-Nations or a break between the World Cup and the Tri-Nations.  None of these games matter.  None of them!  Only the World Cup matters… and you’ve cheapened the greatest rugby rivalry in the world into a format for teams “to try out combinations”.

This is not how it was supposed to be.  I feel used… cheap… betrayed.  I feel like I’ve been jilted at the altar and traded in true love for an overpriced lapdance with the cheapest stripper at Teazers.

Screw you SANZAR for making me not give a s$%t about an All Black – Springbok test match.

So instead of a Bok-All Black preview, here’s your internet meme of the day:

Success kid... it's all I've got.

 

The real reason Matt Giteau got sacked

18 Aug

Robbie Deans had to make a choice. Either Matt Giteau was going to the World Cup or James Horwill was. They may play in different positions… but think about it.  Have you ever seen them in a photograph together?   If they didn’t wear different scrum caps could you tell them apart on the extremely unlikely event you ever saw them in the same room together?

Giteau and Horwill doing their best impersonations of each other. Or is it?

15 reasons to feel positive about the Boks

17 Aug

For those of us who are tired of all the negativity surrounding the Springboks at the moment, I thought I’d put on my limited edition SuperSport presenters shirt and give us fans a list of the positives that can be taken from Saturdays game.

I’ll approach this from a player level and hopefully show that it’s not all doom and gloom for the Boks at the World Cup just yet.

- 15 France Steyn - (see what I did there?) Sporting his fabulous new avant-garde cinema nouveau look, we’re at least guaranteed not to be the ugliest team in the competition. It’s edgy and mysterious and I like it! Fingers crossed Dick pulls him aside and mentions the “weight” issue though. Fattie and Arty may rhyme but that doesn’t mean it’s a good combo looks-wise for a Springbok.

- 14 JP - I’m pretty sure he played. In my Corenza C / Black Label induced haze I remember him being pinged for holding on, but other than that he was a ghost. If you’re not involved it’s hard to be penalised right? Good thinking by the coaching staff…next up the “stealth try!”

- 13 Jaque - Looked like he was actually trying. Good use of hand signals and shouting instructions at team mates. Attempted the “Element of Surprise” move fairly well by running from his own in-goal area in the first half, which almost had Dick choking on his boerie roll.

- 12 JDV - Great display of passion when singing the National Anthem. He’s also taller than Pat McCabe.

- 11 Habana - Good tackle on the little Aussie number 9 in the 2nd half. Also managed to break one himself in the first 40, something he hasn’t done in the last 8 tests. Looks better with a little stubble too. It almost makes the opposition take him seriously.

- 10 Butch - Only missed one kick AND managed not to get a yellow card. Bonus! Also managed to keep things predictably simple for his fellow back line players by doing pretty much the same thing whenever he got the ball.

- 9  FdP - Picked up from where he left off by being more interested in talking to the ref than actually playing the game. Continued in conversation with Bryce on Twitter afterwards too. All part of the bigger picture and the Boks “Ref Management” strategy for the World Cup.

-8  Spies - Was an animal out there! A medium-sized domesticated animal sure, but still! Had a couple of good runs whilst we had a scrum. Get ready for those energy drink ads again.

- 7  Danie - Helped a lot of the guys carry their kit bags from the bus to the changing rooms. No one does donkey work quite like our Danie.

- 6  Heinrich - Made a turnover, didn’t get injured and scared the crap out of the Aussies with his best Tasmanian Devil impression.

- 5  Big Vic - Clearly all the hard work done on his kicking has paid off! Slotted into the backline seamlessly. Also managed to sound marginally better than Stransky in the post match interview.

- 4  Bakkies - Didn’t get carded or cited after the game. Responded to being spear tackled early on with great restraint and only the use of his elbow.

- 3  The Good Doctor - Looked WAAAAY better than John at prop when he came back on late in the 2nd half. And people say he can’t really scrum?! Kept Bryce guessing as to who was going to ground first in the early engagements. Job done.

- 2  Gaddafi – Smit - line-out throwing was good. selflessly allowed the team to almost get going again by going off injured towards the end of the game.

- 1   The Beast - Kept the crowd interested, made a few tackles, made a few runs, looked the best in the new BMW shorts.

Add to that the fact that we “only lost on the scoreboard” and, well, we’re surely on the right track folks. Glory is just around the corner.

A glimpse into the future: John Smit at the 2015 World Cup

Letter to the Editor: Who has the moral high ground?

16 Aug

We received this letter from one of our readers today and to do it justice it gets the full post today.  The author Clyde can be found on Twitter at @clydesta and gets our follow recommendation for his defence of PdV and the “B” team tactics.

Thanks for the letter Clyde!

“Let me start off by saying two things:

1. I am not Peter de Villiers’ biggest fan, not by a long shot.

2. I have nothing against All Blacks coach Graham Henry being honest about resting players for the S.A. leg of the Tri-Nations.

It’s okay to query the questionable tactics and player selections, fine. It’s also okay to ponder some of the strange utterances our dear coach makes regarding mechanics, ballerinas and ‘injured’ players.

Regardless of the media uproar, many loyal Springbok supporters believe our coach did the right thing by resting our top Boks for the away leg of the Tri-Nations, particularly after a taxing and arduously long Super Rugby season.

What I do have issue with, is the self-righteous attitude of some of the S.A. sports media fraternity, who feel it is their duty to belittle our coach at every opportunity. The clown references are funny, sure, but I believe we need a clown to navigate our media circus. A circus indeed, barring many respected, objective critics of course. How quick we are to judge, without really knowing all the goings-on that happened in the training (or ‘recuperation’) camp.

To my point: It’s simply not okay to make out that Graham Henry has some sort of ‘moral high ground’ for saying he has rested some players for the S.A. leg of the Tri-Nations, and not saying that they’re injured as Pdivvy has done.

From my point of view, it is infinitely easier to skirt the SANZAR ruling that you must field ‘your best available team’ when your counterpart (Pdivvy) has already rested his best players for the away leg. Bear in mind, that many of our Springboks were in fact injured (some still are). Bear in mind also, that it’s so much easier to field your best starting line-up from the relative comforts of your own country, and to then rotate players in the squad accordingly.

No-one is making more fuss of the Rustenburg reconditioning camp than our own fickle S.A. media.

Here’s hoping that our ‘A’ team can avoid the embarrassment of a first-ever Tri-Nations whitewash this Saturday, and that the PE NZ supporters go home suitably demoralised.”

~ @clydesta

Tip of the hat to Rugga Rant

16 Aug

Nicely done… nicely done.

The team at Rugga Rant with a beauty of a “look-a-like” choice: former All Black behemoth Jerry “I have no arms” Collins. Right out of the old school drawer. The Rugga Rant site is worth checking out and any site that is doing its bit to take the discussion of rugby out of the clammy zombie hands of DSTV and back to a far more open and diverse place gets a hat tip from Big Daddy Rugby.

The Rugga Rant site is available here.

Boks too busy playing Farmville to practice for Aussie test

15 Aug

That was bitterly disappointing. While Rassie’s tactic of giving all the Boks iPads to play Farmville at the Rustenburg training camp may have made the boys from Pretoria bond with the boys from Cape Town by trading tractors, it seems to have completely screwed up their ability to play rugby. The Springboks have gone backwards since they lifted the World Cup trophy four years ago – and all signs point to the coaching staff.  PdV will rightly try to point to a British Lions series win, a Tri-Nations title and two away wins in New Zealand as achievements. He’s right, but the problem is – that’s not enough.

The Boks racked up an impressive Farmville score at the Rustenburg camp but clearly didn't put in any time doing actual rugby training.

When the Boksburg stood at the tippy top of the rugby world in 2007, an era of Bok dominance should have started. The Kiwis were rebuilding, the English were battered into submission and the Aussies were trying to pick up the fragments of the post John Eales era. The rugby world was ours for the taking – and we cocked it up with the usual “new expansive rugby”, political interference and stupid selections.

So on the eve of the World Cup we are back to square one. Pick what’s left of World Cup final team, those who haven’t retired and aren’t injured. That’s all we can offer after 4 years.

In the Boks’ defence they can make the arguments about rustiness and the returns from injury. That’s all we have fellas… the hope that a few more weeks will solve their “rustiness”.

Two players stood out as playing well. The man-crush Heinrich Brussow and the brother of contributor here Dr Jannie – the more ambitiously named Bismarck. But as for the rest of them, the sight of our scrum going backward with John Smit at tight head was all you needed to see.  That single scrum must now settle once and for all that John is not a prop.

let’s not forgot that the team that just killed us twice in a row lost to Samoa before they beat us. Samoa! If we don’t seriously pick up our game we are at risk for our worst World Cup ever, not even making it out of the group stages. If the same players who won you a World Cup are delivering trash when it matters, then one can only point to the coaches and administrators as the difference makers.

It’s very flash to have Rassie arrive at the training camp with his new iPad and for him to show how to master Angry Birds and Farmville while he waits on the bench behind Smit and Bismarck, but now we need some real coaching. PdV, Dick Muir and Gary Gold had better stop spending their evenings watching box sets of Richard Pryor and Monty Python for inspiration for their “performance art” media conferences and need to start doing some real coaching.

The knives are sharpening gentlemen… can you hear them?

Boks may have lost on the scoreboard – but here’s where they won

14 Aug

According to a very reliable source (my buddy “Crazy Barry” on Facebook) Peter de Villiers was heard to defend his team to the media after the game by saying the Boks “only lost on the scoreboard”.

So, if you’re looking for the positives from Saturday’s debacle – here’s where the Boks clearly won against Australia:

  • best hair (Francois Steyn… go you good thing!)
  • coach with the best ‘stache
  • best rendition of Colour Me Badd’s “I Wanna Sex You Up” at the post match drinks fest (Pierre Spies)
  • least ugliest full back (Steyn vs Beale)
  • best pirated music swap (hands down Jean Deysel’s selection of the new Fleet Foxes comfortably beating Quade Cooper’s choice of “the best of Brett Lee’s Bollywood showtunes”)
  • only team that had a player that could fit into Robbie Dean’s cooler-bag as a “prank”  (Gio Aplon)
  • best explanation for the current financial crisis in the Eurozone (Dr Jannie with an impressive Hayekian analysis on how artificially low interest rates lead to an oversupply of credit and the inevitable over investment in long-term construction projects)
  • best impersonation of George W Bush on the bus ride over to the stadium (Gary Gold- after all, he certainly wasn’t coaching the forwards was he?)
  • most complicated shoes (Francois Steyn with a gem of a pair of sneakers that he picked up during his time at Racing Metro)
  • best interpretive dance (Bakkies Botha with an erotically charged version of “The Four Seasons”)

Pierre Spies getting ready to "sex up" the post match drinks function - picture courtesy of the Independent.

Boks vs Wallabies detailed game analysis

13 Aug

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhh…

Henson given life-line….whereas O’Driscoll needs more time

12 Aug

Gavin Henson has decided to take a well deserved (and encouraged!) break from his busy reality tv schedule by returning to the rugby field on Saturday when the Welsh host the English at the Millennium Stadium. The men in red will be hoping to exact revenge on their neighbours for last weeks defeat and for blatantly stealing the format of a typical night-out in Swansea and re-enacting it on the streets of London and other English cities earlier this week. As always, Henson will be out to dazzle the English with his bright orange glow and fancy footwork (mostly learnt from his recent stint in ballroom dancing).

Gav...you missed a spot or two!

Across the English channel the Irish will be visiting the South of France, though they won’t be packing their sun-cream and novelty Guinness hats, as they can expect a bruising encounter with Mark Lievremont’s team in a part of the country in which they actually enjoy rugby more than lovemaking and Jean-Luc Godard re-runs. Unfortunately for the Irish, they are still lacking their playmaker and all-round wunderkind Brian O’Driscoll, who is yet to return while working on the final draft of his autobiography ‘On the seventh day God created me’.

Brian O'Driscoll with his 'ride'

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