Stormers Front Row: Harden the Hell Up

Geez… Saturday was the gut-wrenching stuff up that you have nightmares about when you decide to wear your Stormers jersey to work on a Friday. It’s a good thing I watched this game on the telly and started downing my drinks quickly in the first half so that my memory of the second half of the Stormers Crusaders match was merely a haze of alchohol and regret rather than the cold stark lonely reality faced by those who stayed sober enough at the game to be able to pass the breathalyser test from the coppers on Main Road.

Stormers front rowers at midweek practice prior to the Crusaders game.

The Stormers front row were atrociously poor, and it was all too predictable in that My Little Pony kind of way. Bloody hell Rassie – everybody knows that the Stormers haven’t had a decent front row since the early nineties. Why didn’t you just bring out the rolls of cash and buy some animal from the Northern Hemisphere if the Western Cape is only good for producing wine snobs?  Please, no more props who look like they just came from under 10s practice and are more concerned about being in the back line than about doing the hard work up front. If I see another front rower making a “cover tackle” or standing at first receiver I’m personally going to start stocking up on naartjies for 2012.

We don’t want some flash prop with pink boots making good runs. We want some crazy hardened psychopath that is on multiple restraining orders and makes Hannibal Lecter take a backward step. I’m talking Pollsmoor prison “Crazy Eights” style, not this “Bishops Boy who has got a bit of pace” rubbish we’ve been subjected to for the last decade.  Let’s get us some man eating front rowers who have bits of loose-forward’s scrum caps between their teeth.  The kind of guy who was rejected for the part of Friday the 13th part X for being too disturbing.

And Stormers front row: we’re not done with you yet, there’s a message from Chopper Reid for you (may be NSFW depending on your office politics):


Oy – and if on the odd chance there is a Stormers player reading this blog who’d like to point out the irony of a blogger telling a rugby player to harden up, just remember I chose to work in an office cubicle all day – you chose to mix it with the All Black front rowers on a weekly basis. I’ve hardened up to the reality of having to file my TPS reports on a weekly basis with the cover sheets on.  Have you hardened up to what it takes to play rugby?

Smokey the Bowler


  1. The Stormers need a front rower who will create the similar fan frenzied chants to the famous “TOKS FOR BOKS, TOKS FOR BOKS!!

  2. Minus the alchohol induced ethnic slurring at night clubs while on overseas tours of course. Supersport tend to have swept that little incident under the rug when they hired their new song and dance *cough* man.

  3. I have only seen it in German so I dont know if it is exactly tratslaned. It is one of the short scenes during the stagging after arrival of the birds, when suddenly several of them push at each other into the same direction like falling domino stones and a few others seem to squeeze into all this mess bill first. And the narator says (own try of translation) :” What happens over there? We dont’ know. Frankly, we better don’t want to know “

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