Allister Coetzee gets a rough deal

If you live in Cape Town you’ve probably been subjected to the intolerable whinging this week on radio stations and newspapers about the fact that the Stormers have gone two games at home without scoring a try. I am exempting Supersport from this old media smackdown, only through ignorance – I’ve been unwilling to suffer through the tripe that Supersport dishes up as post match “expert opinion” this year. One can only imagine Kobus Wiese and Bobby Skinstad making frequent mention of the phrases “who wanted it the most out there” and “a lack of passion”.

Well as a moderately loyal and appropriately jaded Stormers supporter I will not stand for the media bashing a coach who has gone three matches undefeated. What do these journos want? A bloody primary school game where everyone in the team gets to score a try so as not to feel left out? A 55-50 humdinger?

People seem to forget that try-fests devalue the significance of moments of brilliance. This the reason why no-one gives a crap about the NBA. It is boring as hell to watch a team score at one end followed by the opposing team scoring at the other end ten seconds later (please don’t point out the success of T20 cricket – I can’t explain it either).

Poor old Allister Coetzee is merely grinding home the lesson we all should have learned in our first year of rugby. Namely, that a win is a win is a win. And win ugly if you have to (for the moment let’s leave out that second SA rugby rule, i.e. if you can’t win the game, at least win the fight). The Stormers have won ugly and Coetzee deserves praise for drawing blood out of stones in his first three matches.

My advice to Allister is to shrug off the media criticism and start doing your best Jack Nicholson impersonation for the next time you are in front of a mic. I’d love to see Allister channeling Jack in A Few Good Men the next time he is on Boots and All:

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very sporting victories I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a rugby ball and get on the field. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!

Smokey the Bowler

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